Waiting for Batman

Planning a birthday party for a 5 year old is no easy feat. Well, maybe it is for some people. No doubt some people do this kind of thing in their sleep, but not me. I stress and I worry. Is there going to be enough food? Are people having a good time? Is the entertainment "cool" enough, but still appropriate for a young five and his younger friends and siblings? I did everything last minute and consequently spent way too much money. I didn't buy enough tablecloths and there could have been more beverages. But, Big C wanted a Batman party, and Batman party he had: plates, napkins, loot bags, blue cake with a Batman shooting out of the bat cave, everything....and we had a special appearance by Batman himself.

I found a local company online that does superhero parties - you could have Batman, Superman or Spiderman come to your party and play games with the kids, sign autographs, etc. I knew going in that hiring anything like this is a crap shoot of sorts, unless you've personally seen the performers in action, but it's what Big C wanted and short of dressing up as a superhero ourselves (and have to explain why we weren't at the party a la Pokeroo) or hire someone we knew (and no one we knew would do it), what's a girl to do?

It must be a good gig to get into - dress up for an hour, play games, make jokes and get a couple bills. I know it's the actor in me, but I feel compelled to say that if you are going to do this kind of thing, you better do it well. I am just itching to call up the company and give them my notes on the performance, but Mr Earth says that it won't be appreciated unless they ask for feedback. It's killing me to keep my mouth shut, so here I am.

1. Be on time. Kids have very little patience, and tend to get out of control when you are not on time. Especially when they don't get fed until after your act. Plus, it's simple professional consideration. Show up when you are supposed to. Ten or fifteen minutes may not mean much to you, but it can be FOREVER to a kid who is overexcited. And, if you are late - and things happen, I get it - then APOLOGIZE. You don't have to apologize to the kids, but you should apologize to the person who hired you (i.e. me).
2. If your website advertises a "grand entrance so the kids know they have the Real Thing", then make a grand entrance. I met the guy in the hall because, it being winter, I knew he would have a coat and probably some other personal items. He wouldn't let me take them for him. He skulked into the room with a winter coat and a large duffel bag. Entrance, not so grand.
3. Speak up and command attention. Kids are loud. You have to get their attention, especially at the beginning. It doesn't matter if you have funny jokes (and he did), if no one can hear them.
4. Get your energy up. I expected someone with a more exciting presence. Who was more excited to be there. I know these kinds of gigs can be crap, but I don't care. I am paying you to be excited. The kids probably didn't notice, but every single adult in the room thought that Batman was hungover. That is not a good thing. In all fairness, he may have been trying to do a cool Batman voice, but it didn't read that way.
5. Appearance. This is totally unfair, but I am picky and this is my blog so I'll pick if I want to. The guy was too short. Batman is not short. And if you are short, you have to act tall. No hunching or pigeon-toeing. And tuck in loose tags. The costume itself, though, was great.
6. Tone of voice. Towards the end, he was making jokes that were just shy of sounding like attacks. He was trying to be funny, but it came off as a little mean. He should watch that.

These are all observations that I am making as an adult and as actor. The kids thought he was great. Big C thought he was hilarious and had a fantastic time. In the end, that is all that matters to me.

But, if anyone should call me up and ask for feedback or a recommendation, I got lots to say...

FIVE!

Five years ago today, I became a mom.

1 year ago today, I became a stay-at-home mom.

Through it all, you've been with me.

I couldn't have done it without you. That smile is sometimes the only thing that has kept me going.

You've got something special, kid.

Life is good.

Mr Earth is the COOLEST!

Just look what awesome present was left chillin' for me in the fridge this morning!

Truly Mr Earth - you rock my world.

Four!

How did you get from a baby who screamed a lot, to a boy who calmly walks up the stairs and asks, "How did rehearsal go, Mummy?" How time does fly.

Love you, Boo.

One

A birthday Haiku:

Laughing, kicking, loud

Wanting in on the action,

You make us complete.

You've Come a Long Way, Baby

To The Boy on his 2nd Birthday:


We had a rocky start, you and I. With jaundice, low milk supply, poor latch, it seemed like the Powers That Be didn't want us to breastfeed, but we persevered. I thought my heart would break when you had double hernia surgery at 2.5 months. I pretty much had to pretend that it wasn't happening. I went through the hours of separation, and the disturbing post-op in a dream-like state. We got through the "witching hours" at 4 months, when you would scream non-stop from 5pm to 8pm like clockwork. At 6 months, things noticeably changed. We got our first real taste of The Boy Who Would Be. Or, maybe your parents just chilled out for a change. Whatever happened, we both had a lot to learn. Any knowledge worth having is worth working for, right?


Today, you're officially not a "baby" anymore (although we reserve the right to use this term of affection whenever we choose). Today you have suddenly grown into our Little Man, with thoughts and opinions of your own. You like pasta, Goldfish crackers and muffins, and despite all our gender-unspecific conditioning, you play with trucks, trains, boats and adore the Mighty Machines and the "subbie" (subway).


The moments of greatest joy are fleeting, but so achingly sweet, that we replay them over and over again. You brought your new Little People toy to daddy to open, and when he said it would take a while to open (because they package them so confoundingly it takes people far smarter than us to open them), you sat down on the floor and said "I wait". You are prone to taking flying leaps at mummy, shouting "Mummy tak!" (Mummy attack). You always share your food, even when we're not hungry, and insist that we eat. Often, when you awaken with a stinky diaper, we are greeted with bleats of "P-U!". You are very specific about where people should sit when they play with you, and when people (i.e. Mummy) should stop singing.


Best of all, though, is the little hand that rests on my leg when I read you a story, or the little head that rests on my shoulder as I carry you to bed. These are the moments when I stop being a proud parent, and I'm just Mummy.


Happy Birthday, bubbie! I love you much more than this letter can say.

A Poetic Birthday Weekend

Yesterday, I used the gift Mr Earth got me for Christmas. I spent three hours (!) getting a facial, manicure and pedicure. Then I went downtown and spent an obscene amount of money on Mr Earth's credit card at my favourite lingerie shop on a single bra. It is ridiculous what these things cost nowadays when you want quality underpinnings. However, since I only buy a new bra about once every four years, maybe it's not so ridiculous...And it's a VERY nice bra. When I got home, Mr Earth took me out to one of my favourite restaurants, Scaramouche. I had red wine, three different kinds of goat cheese, scallops and flourless chocolate cake. It was heaven! Did I mention that the Boy stayed at Nana Earth's for the night?? You can guess what happened after dinner...

Unfortunately, the Boy's mysterious low-grade fever (which we thought was improving in the day) got worse in the evening. Thankfully, Nana Earth is very good with sick babies. She insisted we continue to enjoy our evening out when we called to check in. We left early in the morning to make the trek to Hamilton to see if we could get the Boy in to see a doctor. So, today, my actual birthday, I spent in a cramped, overcrowded walk-in clinic, cuddling a hot little body, and squeezed in between a horribly hacking large woman and a continuously burping little girl. It would be humourous if the Boy didn't look so sad. Thankfully, it seems to just be a fever (so far), not the ear infection that we feared. We have to go back to our doctor if it gets worse.

Mr Earth wrote me his usual birthday poem, and against his wishes*, I will post it for you all to read:

Now you have reached the age of thirty-four
Parties and late nights don't exist anymore

It's up and down with the Boy, and work in-between
With Happy Healthy Monsters and Mighty Machines

But at least you're learning things like how garbage moves along
Or the oh-so-catchy "street sweeping song"

One thing I'm sure, makes this year the best
As there's no more feeding to be done from the breast
(wow, that rhyme sucked, I'm getting worse in my old age)

So, it's boozing all day and boozing all night
As you're up to all hours making sure your blog is just right

Where you discuss important issues, from death to birth
Using your guise as NoMotherEarth

To continue the tradition we started at thirty-two
It's time for HAIKU!

34 - that's old
It is your mid-thirties now
Bad times, not good times

The Boy is older
No more little baby here
Only - "Don't Want To!!"

Grandparents save us
Gotta drop the Boy off soon
That's good parenting!

Family is great
And ours is a special one
You, me and the Boy

So have a great birthday, and know that I care
And maybe for my birthday, you won't wear any underwear??
Happy Birthday! All my love.

*Mr Earth would like to protest the publishing of this birthday poem. He has been very busy at work, and claims that this poem is not as well written as in other years.
**I love it because he wrote it. End of protest.