Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Boom Goes the Dynamite

OK, so I've been reading so many posts with lists in them that I, too, have the List Fever. Or maybe it's the fact that the buzz I'm getting off this Tylenol Cold has made me leery of my ability to form cohesive paragraphs...Or, maybe I just had to find some excuse to use the above title. (For all you YouTube lovers, you'll know what I mean.)

They say that Life is a learning experience, so here's the highlights of what I've learned so far:



*****WARNING: spoilers*****

Circa Grade School
!!! Monopoly is pronounced 'mah-Awe-pah-lee', not 'Mah-noh-Poe-lee' and is not a rare form of the "kissing disease".
!!! Marigold and Bear from the Polka Dot Door can't actually speak, and nor can any other stuffed animal.
!!! In clue, Miss Scarlett is almost always the killer.
!!! Wearing glasses and braces pretty much qualifies you as a nerd. Putting a sticker in the corner of your glasses, definitely does.
!!! Perms are not cool. Especially if you shave the back and perm the top

Circa High School
!!! Getting drunk in secret is cool. Hangovers - pretend you have the flu, or suck it up.
!!! Sex can lead to: Pregnancy! STDs!! AIDS!!! (Seriously, is there anyone who didn't know this? I learnt this on an Afterschool Special.)
!!! High school dances really are as lame as everyone says they are.
!!! "Pass the Dutchie" by Musical Youth is not talking about a shortage of doughnuts
!!! Perms still not cool. Even if it was someone else's idea.

Circa University
!!! Getting drunk is cool, and does make you more popular. Hangovers are the hallmark of Good Times.
!!! Classes are a lot easier to pass if you actually attend them.
!!! It's not who you are inside, it's how you look that counts.
!!! There are people who don't know awful how you looked in grade school or high school.
!!! Perms may give hair body, but looking back - still not cool. Why can't I learn from past mistakes?

Circa Apr├Ęs University (i.e. "Real Life")
!!! Getting drunk? Not cool. Hangover - even less cool.
!!! It's not how you look, it's who you are that counts.
!!! It's not actually as easy to get pregnant as they told us it was in high school.
!!! Breastfeeding may be "natural" but it is in no way "easy".
!!! My hair is awfully flat. Maybe I should get a perm? Hmmm...



I think I'm growing up. Maybe.

5 comments:

Suzanne said...

Valuable lessons, all. I KNEW those little flower stickers on my glasses were the reason for the social flop that was my grade school experience.

sunshine scribe said...

Oh I loved these lists.

I couldn't stop giggling about the Perm ... been there. done that .. recently almost reconsidered.

And yes, I was terrified to get pregnant in highschool ... if only I knew that it would take a million years as an adult.

penelopeto said...

oh my god, get the perm!
and if it makes you feel any better, if i had worn glasses, sure as shit there would have been a sticker in the corner of the right lens. probably my melody.

kittenpie said...

Getting pregnant is, I think the idea goes, easy when you are young and healthy and active and not that stressed!

God, my hair is so crazy now, I can't even grasp the concept of what a perm would do to it... I would be just one big orange afro. Like the grown-up-to-be-a-crack-whore version of Little Orphan Annie.

mothergoosemouse said...

Classes are a lot easier to pass if you actually attend them.

True. But it's an interesting challenge to attempt to pass a lab practical after having not attended any labs up to that point. How do I light that Bunsen burner again?