His Story

The day started at 4am, which is waaay too early for anything to start if you ask me. I woke up feeling slightly "wet". Disgusting as that may be (TMI anyone?), at 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant, I was only slightly surprised. I thought it best to haul ass to the bathroom, though, before any further accident occurred. When I stood up to wipe myself off, the dam burst. The toilet paper in my hand looked unequal to the job. So, not knowing what else to do I grabbed a towel from the wall and put it down on the floor and just stood there.

Thoughts running through my head? "This can't really be happening can it?? It's too early." Or "Crap, this is really happening. But I have a shower to go to tomorrow, and theatre tickets next Saturday!" And, "Yay, I'm going into labour so nobody will force me to have a repeat section because I'm overdue!" And finally, "What the hell do I do now??"

The answer to that last question was pack a travel bag for the Boy and assemble my hospital bag. I tried to do as much as I could before waking Mr Earth. No sense in him losing sleep too. I was WIDE AWAKE though. Why do they suggest going back to bed at this point? No deal for me. Finally, though, I had to wake the man and let him know what was happening. It took a while for him to register it because we simply were not expecting this so early.

I thought that I was supposed to go in to the hospital right away. I was sure the doctor had said to do this because of the whole VBAC situation. But since it was so early and way too inconvenient to wake the Boy, we called the hospital instead. They said to wait until the contractions were closer together.

So, the day went on as usual, except that I decided to NOT to go for a run that morning. It seemed unwise. We did go grocery shopping, though, and then sort of hung out at home. I started using low-toning for the contractions which were about 15 minutes apart. We called all three sets of parents to let them know what was happening, and to arrange for someone to watch the Boy as my parents were in New Jersey. Mr Earth's stepmother was on call and ready to come by.

The low-toning got a little boring for me (short attention span), so I started singing with each contraction instead. For some reason, the only song I could think of was "Do You Hear The People Sing" from Les Misérables. Not the most appropriate lyrics, but very inspirational. It was the only song with low notes that came to mind anyways, so I was stuck with it.

Finally, around 3pm in the afternoon, I had had enough and wanted to go for a walk. The Boy was being rather obstinate but into the stroller he went despite complaints. We walked down to the local Second Cup and I had a mulled apple cider. I wondered if people could tell I was in (early) labour. We started walking again - I wanted to return a book to the library - but I decided that we should go home as the contractions were getting worse. Of course, the Boy wanted to walk home so it took a loooong time.

We finally got home around 5pm and decided we really should call Mr Earth's stepmother as it would take her 45 minutes to get to our house and the contractions were now steadily 5 minutes apart. And active labour had begun. I spent much of the next hour on my hands and knees moaning in pain. It frightened the Boy, who kept shushing me, but I really couldn't help myself.

Mr Earth's stepmother finally got there at around 10 minutes to 6pm and we rushed to the car. I have never hated being in car so much. I felt confined in a uncomfortable seat, and each contraction was hellish. I hated every bump. I cursed the Bloor Street traffic. I hit the wall of the car. I was VERY mature.

Mr Earth dropped me off at admitting so he could go park the car. I waited interminable for the two receptionists to stop having their debate about what to eat for dinner. Finally, the girl deigned to help me. I left the papers on her desk and got down on my hands and knees again, moaning. Yeah, this is not embarrassing at all. Strangely, she asked no questions. I was sort of expecting an "Are you all right?" or "Can I get you a wheelchair", or "Should I call a nurse?" Nothing. Once she admitted us she pointed us in the direction of the elevators. I'm pretty sure I gave her the blackest look of death I had. Don't piss off the woman in labour..

In the elevator, I got down on my hands and knees again with contractions. I had to crawl out of the doors. Some guy gave me a strange look. He pissed me off too. At triage, they put me in a room and did an exam to see how far along I was. The woman was really abrupt and rather unkindly shoved her hand up the wazoo in the middle of a contraction. She REALLY pissed me off. I was at 5 centimetres.

I was taken (walked? I can't remember) to the labour room. I had high hopes of waiting till 6 centimetres before even considering an epidural, but the pain was too much. I really thought I had a better tolerance for pain. I was doing my best not to scream through contractions, which were coming one on top of the other. I was VERY loud. The hospital phrased it "patient was in distress". They couldn't get the IV to stop bleeding or stay stuck to my hand. They apparently gave me an epidural, but after my constant polite questions of "When is that damn epidural supposed to work??" they finally realized that it hadn't "taken". WTF???

So, at around 8:30 and 8 or 9 centimetres dilated, they gave me a spinal. After that, I felt FINE. Contractions were happening nonstop but I couldn't feel them. They gave me about half an hour before they wanted me to start pushing. They said I might feel the urge to push, but I didn't believe them because I felt FIIIINE. I did feel the urge, though.

The pushing (with drugs) was actually not bad. Rather uncomfortable, but not nearly as awful as I thought. It was all going so fast. I felt a rush of blood (ruined a perfectly good pair of sport socks in the process), and they pulled out the baby. As they brought him up to my chest, I saw the goods and knew it was a boy, and no one had to make the "It's a Boy!" announcement I was so looking forward to.

I got to hold him for a spell. He was so small it was like holding on to air. I barely felt the weight of him. I was in shock that it was November 3rd and I was holding my baby already. The family complete. The trio turned quartet. Life is good.

Now, if only we could find time to sleep.

A shout out to the Peeps from the little guy. Yo, yo, yo!

Unprepared, as usual...

So...um...yeah....my water just broke. I think I remember my doctor saying that I should get something like that checked out? They may send me home again, but it's a good idea, right??

My parents were slotted to take care of the Boy. They're out of town until Tuesday.

Would this be a GOOD time to pack the hospital bag? Or install the car seat?? Just wondering.

I'll keep you posted as possible. Who knows? I could have Big News really soon...

And the Magic Eight Ball says..

Ask again later..

Reply hazy, try again..

Better not to tell you..

Cannot predict now..

The Magic Eight Ball sucks.

I realize that it was my choice not to find out the sex of the baby, but the suspense is killing me! I think my head might explode. No, really. I'm not exaggerating. I am not handling this well at all.

It's funny, I had no problem last time. I happily plodded along, excited about the Big Surprise at the end of journey. Possibly, it's because I was sure that the baby was a boy. (Hey, I was right.) You could try to tell me that there was a 50/50 chance that the baby would be a girl, and I would calmly agree. And quietly disagree. It was a HE. I knew. I also had a dream that I gave birth to a very swarthy baby with a beard. My biggest dilemma was - how exactly does one shave the face of a newborn baby? Should I be signing him up for the circus?? Still, it was a HE. No doubt about it.

This time, I am just not sure. I thought I would get the same feeling that I did last time. Strong. Certain. Absolute.

I got nothing.

This is not a good time to have just finished reading Middlesex, by the way. As if I didn't have enough to freak out about. I'm not too picky about whether the baby is a boy or a girl, but I will admit to a preference for it to be one sex OR the other, given a choice.

Mr Earth will assure you that this baby is another boy. He claims he only has male sperm. Okaaaayy. Scientifically, I would probably agree with him. The day we conceived Baby Earth, I thought that we were past the magic 3-day Fertile Window. (Apparently, we weren't.) Which means, that Baby Earth was most likely conceived on my Most Fertile day. Boy spermies are the fastest swimmers, erego it's probably a boy. (Is this too much sharing? I never know.)

Still, sometimes I get the strongest feeling that the baby is in fact, a girl. If I was forced to guess right now, that is the guess that I would make. Do I believe this because I want a girl? Maybe, but I don't think so. I honestly don't have a preference. I can see the pros and cons of each. A girl would be easier to name. I have a LOT of boy clothes. I'd like to have one of each. I love saying "my boys" instead of "my kids". I think I have a lot to learn from mothering a girl. I think I would be a better mother to two boys. I don't care!! But I want to know. Or, at least, feel like I know.

People at the office are quick to point out that I am "carrying differently". That I'm rounder (read: fatter) all around, instead of just having a basketball in place of a stomach like last time. I'd like to say that's an indication, but I really think it's just the dreadful Baroness von Fat making her daily appearance.

There was this one time in the doctor's office where Mr Earth made his typical "male sperm only" joke, and the doctor said it "could be the other". I don't think that she was speaking in code or anything, but I got a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. The last time I got that feeling was when Mr Earth drunkenly pointed to a just married couple and said "I want that to be us one day", and I said "I do too". Look what happened there..

Help.

The Discarded

I've been meaning to do a post about baby names, and then I saw this post by Kgirl. She made a very good point that a name you dismissed while the baby was still in the making, may just turn out to be the name that you finally chose. Wise words, Master. However, baby names are such a hot topic in our household that I can't resist. It's hanging over my head like this BIG TASK THAT MUST BE DONE, and it follows me wherever I go. I can't shake it. Every day it's "We don't have a name yet!", "We really should find a name", "Why the hell can we not agree on one single name?" I have a million other things to do before the baby comes, but this is the one that I obsess on.

Like Kgirl, I believe that naming a child is serious business. It's a duty given to you in trust for another human being. One who trusts you to give them a name that doesn't suck. And, it's the one thing that you can't change. I can repaint the walls. I can return the bed. Changing a name is a Big Deal, though, and not something I would do to a little kid. How confusing is that?

The problem at Casa Earth stems from the fact that despite my current feelings to the contrary, it's more than likely that we are going to have another boy. It took us 9 long months to agree on a name for the Boy, and we think it's perfect. There is no other male name that we can agree on. (If we did have a girl, though, we have several nice names from which to choose - but that's a whole other disagreement). We can agree on the type of name we want, though: well-known but rarely used, easy to say, easy to spell, and reflecting our English, Irish or Scottish heritage. Mr Earth doesn't want a name that can be easily made fun of by other kids, and I think you can make fun of any name if you put your mind to it. Neither of us want a made-up or "kreative" name, but we disagree dramatically on which names are made-up.

So here are some names which have been brought up, and discarded. Or downright vetoed. Maybe one of them is "The One", who knows:

NIGEL
She Said: I love this name and have for a long time. I don't know any little boy with this name, and yet the name is still widely known. I think it's an incredibly English name - in fact, I believe this to be a popular name in England. I also like how different it is from the Boy's name
He Said: This name does not reflect our English heritage.

QUINN
She Said: It's a bit nerdy, but I really like it. Also, my maiden name started with a Q, and I like the fact that his initials would be a combination of my and Mr Earth's family names.
He Said: All I can think of is the song "The Mighty Quinn".

FRASER
She Said: I'm not usually fond of last names as given names, but I like this one. It sounds fresh and breezy. It could be cool or nerdy, and it's different.
He Said: People will constantly confuse it with the name Frasier.

CLARENCE
She Said: Over my dead body will any child of mine be called Clarence. Yuck!
He Said: I think it's a great name! I don't know anyone called Clarence.
She Said: There's a reason for that.

AIDAN
She Said: A little too popular for my taste, but I still really like it.
He Said: All I can think of is the phrase "aidin' and abettin'"


Some names that we could agree on, if not for...


CLIVE
Love this name. Love. Love. LOVE!! And have you seen Clive Owen lately??....mm, yummy! Unfortunately this is the name of a VERY close relative, and I am superstitious about naming kids after living relatives. And, it would be kind of confusing.

DYLAN
We both love this name, but it's far too popular. We also hate the fact that it's now being used equally for boys and girls. Not fond of androgynous names.

LIAM
The name of one of Mr Earth's very good friends. Despite being good friends, neither of us really want to name our child after him. Plus, it's just kind of weird. I also think it's too popular a name.


So..the ticker is counting down the days, and we're still in name limbo. I'm hoping inspiration hits in the delivery room, or we're pretty much screwed. And I'm not the type of person to leave things till the last minute, so I just keep obsessing away. What do you think - is "the One" in the list above??

Or, is anyone out there psychic and willing to predict that we're having a girl?? That would make the whole name thing a darn sight easier.

Operation Big Boy

**Update below!**

With August rolling into September (eek!), we've finally got things underway with Operation Big Boy. We have decided that each kid should have their own room for now, at least until Baby Earth is no longer nursing throught the night. So rather than decorate two rooms, we're keeping the nursery the way it is, and transforming the guestroom/office into the Boy's new Big Boy room. We are making the switch now, in the hopes that the Boy believes the change to be a result of him growing up, rather than the arrival of Baby Earth.


Yesterday, my mom and I spent four (!) hours sorting through baby clothes, and have decided that it would be a very good thing, financially-speaking, if this baby turns out to be another boy. Most of the clothes, especially the earlier gender-neutral stuff, can go either way. Well, all clothes can go either way if it's a girl, I guess, but I've spent the last two and half years drooling over the girls clothes that I couldn't buy and developing some serious girlie clothes-envy. If we have a girl, we may just end up broke, because mama lurves to shop, and nothing fits mama anymore, so all mama does is buy baby clothes.


Today, the mission was bed shopping. We started out at
the very expensive bed shop that was recommended to us by a very nice man at Sleep Country Canada. Personally, I thought that their website was more impressive than the show room, but the people were very nice and helpful. At a thousand bucks a pop, though, we decided to forego buying the bed frame here. Mr Earth and I are sleeping on a bed frame that was used when he got it fifteen years ago - ain't no way I'm spending that kind of cash on a kid. Sorry, Boy, love ya and all but no way. It wasn't a wasted trip, though, because the Boy had a great time jumping on the bean bag chairs, and I did spend an ridiculous amount of money on a duvet cover and pillow sham (possibly the real reason for the trip). I saw this online and fell in love with it. Nothing else would do. Apparently, though I don't have many food cravings while pregnant, I do have some retail cravings. Food ones would be cheaper...

Next we went to Sears Home Outlet, hoping to see some of the beds that I found online earlier in the week. No deal. We found similar beds, but they were all in the $500 range, and I still balked at the price. I still think that this is pretty expensive, especially as the bed didn't seem to be that fabulous. Also, they didn't seem that different from the ones that saw online, only they were more than twice the price. Why on earth would they offer the same bed online for less than half the price? This confuses me. Why would you want to shop in the store? Although...I hesistate to buy a bed online because you can't really tell the quality. It makes me nervous.

Finally, I convinced Mr Earth that we should check out IKEA while we were in the neighbourhood. Mr Earth loathes IKEA. I don't blame him though, it's usually a madhouse there when we go, and the Boy likes to run through the aisles like a maniac. It's an accident waiting to happen. I did find a bed that I really like. It doesn't have drawer storage underneath, and it only comes in black or white (why not natural wood?? curious), but I like it and I like the fact that I could take a look at it in person. The Boy had a grand old time trying out beds, and trying out the ladders on the bunk beds (have I mentioned the accident waiting to happen..?) By the end though, he was tiring, and starting to freak out because he wanted to play with all the toys. We decided to go home and think over which bed would be best. That probably had to do with the fact that the bed is found in three different aisles and three different bins in the checkout area. Too confusing for us and a toddler teetering on the edge. We beat it home.

So the question is, which do we choose? The mate's bed that I've only seen online, but question the cheap price? Or, the IKEA bed that is lovely but has no storage, and is only in black or white? They're about the same price, so that's not an issue:

And, more importantly, will the Boy sleep in either of them? In an entirely new room?? That's what I'm most nervous about. We're trying to make as exciting as we can, and we are talking it up big time, but the Boy is change-resistant. I'm hoping that two months gives us enough time to get him settled in the new digs. Any suggestions on how to make the transition easier?

**I figured out why the beds were so much cheaper online than in the store: they sell the bookcase-headboards separately. Sneaky, sneaky. (That, or I'm just stoopid.) So, the IKEA bed is now $100 to $130 cheaper than the Sears one. It's hard to picture the bed above without the headboard, but it seems kind of plain. Still sturdy though. Argh.

In Utero

Do you think that you can tell the personality of your baby while still in utero? I've been asking myself this question a lot lately. My initial reaction was absolutely not. A desperate grasping of straws by a hormonal, gestating mamma who can't wait until November to find out who this new person is going to be. Now, I'm not so sure.

This baby just feels different. And, by different - I mean different than the Boy. Of course, I know that Baby Earth is not going to be a carbon copy of the Boy. And it's because I know that AND because this baby feels different, that leads me to question whether or not a person can have some sore of foreshadowing of baby personality in utero.

So far, my eating habits have changed dramatically. Baby Earth lurves spicy food, for one. You can't make a sauce spicy enough for me these days. I may be sweating and coughing, but I won't stop eating it. I will even eat whole chili peppers. Bring it on! In fact, if food is too bland, then I am slightly revolted by it. The Boy In Utero, however, preferred mild combinations of bread and cheese, and came tumbling early into this world due to a last minute decision to have Thai Spicy Noodle for dinner.

Baby Earth is also having me avoid chocolate and Starbucks like the plague! Chocolate and Starbucks!! Two words that could quite possibly be used as Nomo Descriptors - or fifth and sixth food groups. They are things that never fail to make me happier and easier to live with, and I no longer like them. (Don't get me wrong, though, I still eat chocolate. Mamma loves chocolate. Mamma will not be denied chocolate. I just feel slightly ill afterwards, and usually regret it. I haven't been to Starbucks in months, and end up going to Timothy's for a chai latte to soothe the caffeine fix.) I think I avoided caffeine entirely until the 3rd trimester with the Boy, but then still loved my café au laits. I had several early weeks of nausea with the Boy where I avoided chocolate entirely, but after that I ate loads and loads. As far as I'm concerned, the chocolate aversion this time around has gone on too long, and must be stopped.

Plus, this baby is kicking the bejeezus out of me. I've had a lot of people say "oh, you probably just didn't notice it the first time around...". No. I was hyper-aware of movement the first time around, and even ended up in the hospital when I hadn't felt it in a while. The Boy simply did not move much. He was content to stay rather still, and give the occasional kick to remind me of his presence. I'm not surprised he was breech - I think he grew one way and never turned around. At. All. Baby Earth almost never stops kicking (hard), and you can see my belly shake when it happens. (And with all that extra fat, it's not pretty.) A couple of times, I've come close to saying "Hey, cool it man, I'm your mamma - you're supposed to like me!" No dice.

The only thing these two babies seem to have in common is that they both like lemon flavoured drinks. Last time it was store-bought lemonade, and this time it's San Pellegrino Limonata.

So is all this just a slice of what's to come? Do I have a hot tamale who can't sit still on my hands?? And, more importantly, am I going to give birth to a child who doesn't like chocolate?? Please tell me - did your baby behave similarly in and out of the womb? If you have two children, could you feel the differences even while baby #2 was still in utero? Eek.

I need more space!

Thanks for all your suggestions and advice on the previous couple of posts...I need all the help I can get.

Can I bend your ear for a tick? Here's our dilemma. We live in a smallish semi-detached house. We have 3 bedrooms and a bathroom on the top floor. One is ours, one is the nursery, and one is a guest bedroom/office/second tv room. The main floor is open-concept with a living room, dining room, and kitchen. The basement is small but finished, and is currently our TV room, playroom and second bathroom. With the steadily approaching arrival of Baby Earth, we're going to have to make some adjustments to the living arrangements. Ideally, I would like the children to each have their own room, so the question is - where do we put the home office? Here is where my brain goes berserk:

• We could put the computer in our bedroom. This offers a nice, quiet space for a parental unit to do some work. However, it effectively cuts my computer time by more than half. I usually do most of my blogging/surfing after everyone has gone to bed, and I can't do that in our bedroom without keeping Mr Earth awake
• We could put the computer somewhere on the main level. We would have to buy a new table/armoire on which to put it, though, as space is limited. Also, the computer area is always a mess, and I don't care to expose random visitors to an eyeful of the maelstrom in which we usually live. It's pretty open, and a high traffic area, so it's difficult for Mr Earth to do Serious Work without interruption.
• We could put it in the playroom/TV room. This is my least favourite choice. I would be much too tempted to blog/surf instead of hanging out with the kids. I am determined to be a parent who actually plays with her kids at least some of the time. This is especially important should I decide to work full time again - which is my intention. I am weak and the temptation is too great. Kids come first.
• We could convert the nursery back into a computer room, and have the kids share the larger middle bedroom. Not a terrible idea, but it does seem selfish when we have three bedrooms. I do believe that children deserve their own space, if space allows. I have also heard that small children sharing a room is really good for bonding. Seems squishy, though. And how do you keep the toddler asleep, when the baby keeps waking up?

Suggestions?? I'm fresh out.

__________________________________________________

By the way, if you want to hear more of my Adventures in New York, check out my latest post at MBT. I've even included some nudity this time...Woot! Woot!

Scared

It occurred to me today that I'm having a baby. Wow, it only took me 21 weeks and 1 day! Hurrah. I must be some new kind of smart. I somehow thought that it would be more real the second time around. In contrast, I think I may have been in a complete denial until I felt a few tentative jabs in my lower abdomen a week or so ago. In truth, I still look at women in the final stages of pregnancy, and wonder at the changes in their life they're about to go through - without making any comparison to myself.

You would think since I have already had a baby, I would know what I was doing and what to expect. I don't. In fact, to me it seems worse, because now everyone expects me to have my sh*t together. I don't. It starts at a very basic level. Since the Boy was "from his mother's womb untimely ripped", I have never actually given birth. I went through a few hours labour before the operation, but I don't know what pushing a baby through a woefully small hole is like. But of course, that is just the beginning, isn't it?

I do, however, remember the early days, and I'm not anxious to return to them. I didn't nickname them "the Dark Days" for nothing. I remember walking around in a daze of pain and bewilderment, seeing the world as if through a fog. I remember nights of sleeping one hour out of every three. I remember the constant worry of no milk, no weight gain, jaundice, colic, hernia. I remember looking forward to our bi/tri-weekly visits to the hospital as a way of having contact with the outside (adult) world. I remember it not being a peaceful time, watching a sweet-smelling newborn contentedly sleeping or cooing. I would do it all over again in a hearbeat for the Boy, but it doesn't mean that I would look forward to it.

And how does it work with two, anyway? The basic, daily stuff I mean. How do I get any rest when both kids are on different napping schedules? How do I get the Boy to daycare/preschool when I'm taking care of a wee babe? Should the Boy go to daycare part-time or should he stay home full-time with me? He needs some interaction beyond what I can give him, and I believe the new baby deserves some uninterrupted mommy-time, just like the Boy had when he was young. Should I take him out of daycare and enroll him in a preschool that does, say, just mornings? When I even think of these questions, I feel very selfish, like I don't want him around or something. I do! I just really believe that some time away from the Mommy-Hawk who watches his every move is good for him. He needs space to spread his wings. Even if it's only an hour or two a day.

And what happens when the year of maternity leave is up? Do I go back to work? Can I afford to, even if the miraculous happens and I find two daycare spots or a nanny? While my salary is decent, it would, after taxes, just cover the care costs for two kids. Does it really make sense to go back to work? It does, when you want to go back to work. When work is something that makes you a saner, and therefore better, mother.

Of course, at the heart of this dilemma is the fact that I don't have a terrible lot of confidence in my abilitiy to mother a newborn. Some people just seem born to it, and I am so very jealous of that. I think I kick ass at being a mother to a toddler, though. I sometimes lose my patience, of course. I hope I'm not the only one. But, in general, I feel that I've really hit my stride with the Boy. I get it. My life is still chaos, but it's a controlled, well-organized chaos. I can deal with that. I am not anxious to go back to that state of helplessness, feeling like a complete washout. I also don't want to spend the poor kid's whole baby stage, just wishing he/she would reach toddlerdom. That's not cool. And it's a waste of a truly magical time.

It seems to me that all the support out there goes to the first-time mothers. While I don't dispute that they need all the help they can get, is there anything out there to support the second or third time mothers? I've never seen a mommy-baby group where the mothers have more than one kid. Are we supposing, then, that mothers with multiple children all have a network of friends and a support system in place? Exercise classes are generally for mom and one baby, not mom and baby and preschooler. Other types of classes like Kindergym or Swimming are for a specific ages, and when one goes, the other is not welcome. Ack! My head is splitting trying to figure this all out. Did I miss some sort of crucial education the first time around?

Am I allowed to be scared? Or do I have to keep pretending that I'm nothing but excited?? Because I am excited, you see. I'm thrilled, I'm emotional, I'm half in love with a person I've never even met. I always thought our family wouldn't be complete until there were four of us, and this is my dream realized. But I'm tired of pretending that that's all there is to it.. That there isn't anxiety, worry, and fear behind it too. Because there is. And I can't deal with it unless I own up to it.

It's A...

...baby!

We had our second trimester ultrasound today, and my flair for the dramatic finally won out over my seething curiosity, and we didn't find out the gender. When the doctor asked us if we wanted to know, I simply asked him to confirm that the baby was, in fact, one sex or the other. 'Cause if it's both sexes at the same time, or a third sex entirely, then I would definitely want to know. He chuckled a bit, but I don't think that he fully appreciated the brilliant wit. This is comedy gold, man!

Mr Earth remains convinced that the baby is a boy. He is certain that he saw a penis, and was very proud to see the relative size of said penis. He is ecstatic that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. He would not be put off by my pointing out that this was the umbilical cord. Dream on, my love, dream on. We got some excellent shots of the baby's face - he/she looks like Skeletor. I kid you not. But then, I think that most ultrasound shots make the baby look like an alien, so maybe this is a step up...? At least Skeletor might have been human once.

The only dissonant note in an otherwise exciting moment, is that my doctor had written on the request form that I see a particular doctor at the lab. I didn't really think anything at the time - I assumed that the doctor was someone she knew, or simply favoured. When the technician started the exam he asked me why this doctor was requested. I had no idea. Turns out, this doctor is a specialist in fetal abnormalities. The technician asked if I had a history of problems, and what happened with the first pregnancy, and I assured him that all was fine. We couldn't figure out why she had requested that I see him. Of course, now my heart is racing and I'm having trouble breathing properly. Surely if she thought that there might be a problem, she is obliged to inform us - ? Maybe she didn't want me to worry?? (Like I am now.)

The maddening thing is that the technician and doctor are not allowed to discuss the results of the ultrasound. I have to wait until I see my doctor on the 19th. The ultrasound doctor said that it looks like a "nice pregnancy", whatever that means. At least that sounds positive. I would hate for it to be a "mean pregnancy". (Is mean technically the opposite of nice? Hmm. Yes, these are the things I think about..)

The only reason I think it's a boy is that we have two lovely girl names all ready to go, and for the life of us, we cannot agree on a single boy's name. Not. One. Other than The Boy's name, of course. But you can see how giving two boys the same name might be a problem. Nymbler is no help. It keeps suggesting names like Crispin, Dobbin or Theron. No thanks. So if you have any suggestions, throw 'em at us. Here are the rules:

• Easy to pronounce
• Easy to spell (nothing kreative)
• Well known, but rarely used
• No names that are used for both boys and girls
• Preferably of English origin (Irish, Scottish included)

Know any boy names that fit all that criteria? That's why we're having trouble.

Pregnant Pause

I was all set to write a post beweeping my outcast state. You see, no one wants to hire a pregnant actor. Or, perhaps they do, but the roles are few and far between, and I'm not playing in the Big Leagues, so those roles don't filter down to me.

I've been somewhat depressed lately, troubling deaf heaven with my bootless cries, because I am finally at a point where I feel I can do a show again. Where I feel I deserve to do a show again. The Boy is weaned. My supplementary schooling is over. I'm finally at a point where I feel I can commit to outside activities with relatively no guilt, and what do I do? I go and get myself pregnant. On purpose (well, if not entirely on purpose, at least not by mistake). I can only look upon myself for this minor quandry.

Read more of my beweeping at MommyBlogsToronto..

Of Harry Potters and Puff Mommys..

I was talking with a colleague of mine at work about Harry Potter, and she said that she wasn't interested in reading it because she thinks that magic is silly. I was floored. I had to bite my tongue to keep in the million things that I wanted to say in response to this flabbergasting revelation. What do you have against magic? Did you have a bad experience as a child? Magic is supposed to be a bit silly, that's kind of part and parcel with the fantastic. In the end, I told her that she should just try reading the books because they are really quite good, and that although magic obviously plays a big part, that's not really what they are all about.

Since then I've mulled this over in my head, trying to figure out what I could have said differently to convince her to give the books a try...

Read more from Mama Drama at MBT


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Okay, so I'm just over 16 weeks pregnant and all my pants still fit but my shirts don't. I'm busting at the seams here, folks. I had to cross my arms at my meeting this morning, because I was afraid that a button would pop off my blouse and hit a colleague in the eye. It's embarrassing. Should I be at all concerned that I'm only gaining weight on the top half of my body?? I seem to remember last time that I was putting elastic bands in my waistbands of my pants to relax the fit, but that shirts were no problem. Am I a freak, or what? Ack.

Let's talk about sex, baby.

Other than pressing me for names, the number one thing that people have asked me about since learning I am pregnant is whether or not I am going to find out the sex of the baby. And going on to offer me opinions on which sex baby they would prefer that I have. (I'm not entirely sure, but I don't think that their preference will do anything to persuade the Powers That Be..could be wrong, though).

With my anatomical ultrasound coming up on July 3rd, I have to say that I am torn. Right down the middle. With leanage to one side. Clear as mud? I thought so. We very specifically did not find out the sex of The Boy before he was born. With three (!) sets of grandparents eager to buy us Baby Stuff, we didn't want them going overboard on pink frilly dresses or blue sports-themed paraphernalia. I am very much against pre-emptive gender-typing. I figure that they will get enough of that crap growing up and they don't need us to enforce while they're still babes in arms. But - more importantly - we didn't want to ruin The Moment. I don't think that there are many moments more dramatic in an ordinary person's life than the moment when, sweaty and exhausted from labour, someone announces triumphantly "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!". That's drama, baby, and I am all about the drama. People have told me that it's just as dramatic to find out on the day of the ultrasound, but I remain unconvinced. Moments, to me, are about setting the stage, and waiting for the precise second when your words or actions will have the most impact. It's about keeping yourself and your audience in the most excitingly tense state of suspense possible.

BUT - now we have the Boy. He can barely understand the concept of "brother" or "sister", and it just makes it more confusing to tell him that he may have one or the other, but we're not sure which. Also, if Baby Earth turns out to be a boy, well, we're all set for clothes and toys. If Baby Earth is a girl, I'm sure I will find something girlie to buy. I'm totally jealous of the cute girlie clothes out there. Plus, I kind of want to know. You know? This is it for the family and I want to know how it's all going to turn out. I'm impatient. Plus, eventhough we didn't find out the sex of the Boy, we knew - without a shadow of a doubt - that he was going to be a boy. Finding out would only confirm what we already knew to be true. This time, I'm not so sure. Well, I still think it will be a boy, but that's mainly because I don't know what it's like to have a baby who isn't a boy. What on earth would I do with a baby girl?? That may sound odd, seeing as I am, myself, a girl. But then, I wasn't looking after myself as a baby, now was I?

Since all that really matters to us is that we have a healthy babe, it shouldn't really matter to us what sex the baby turns out to be. And it doesn't. I also have a hard time passing up a truly dramatic moment, just because I'm impatient. I'm going to have to mull this over something fierce before my next ultrasound. It would help if you told me whether or not you found out. If you did, what made you decide to find out? Was it still a Big Moment?? Oh, and go over to the sidebar and vote on what sex you think it will be, will you? Look at me creating a poll - I'm a techno-wiz! (Mr Earth wanted me to create a gambling pool where people would send us money, but I vetoed that. Although, if you want to send us money, feel free..)