Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Someone should get that kid under control.

Oh wait. That would be me.

This morning, Little G had not one, but THREE screaming tantrums. One of them in Dufferin Mall. We had been having a good time. We walked around Toys R Us and bought a soccer ball for the park. We were just sitting down to coffee and a snack at Second Cup, and it started. Arms flailing. Legs kicking. Face squashed on the floor, mixing snot and tears with the dirt on the floor. Wailing at the top of his lungs.

He wanted to sit on the grown up chair. I think. I don't know because he can't talk. Anyways, he's too small and too unpredictable to sit on a grown up chair yet. I tried sitting with him on my lap. I tried strapping him into the stroller. I tried putting him down so he could walk around. I tried holding him and shushing him gently in the ear. He screamed no matter what I did. In the end, I tried sitting him in the coveted adult chair by himself, and he vaulted out face first. Still screaming.

People stared. I know what they were thinking. Can't you get your kid under control? Should you be out in public when your child obviously hasn't learnt civility?? Do you know that you are a Bad Mother??? On their faces: utter horror.

Here's the thing, though, I don't know when he's going to blow. He's quite a happy, giggly, charming little man. Except when he's not. I can't stay at home, indoors, all day long because he might have a meltdown at some point. And if I left a store every time he screamed, well, let's just say that very very few errands would be completed. If any.

And he's loud. LOUD. When he's unhappy, he makes sure you know it. There is no minor complaint. Every wail is at the top of his lungs. Loblaws was christened the other day. I'm pretty sure everyone in the produce section knew that he didn't want to sit in the cart. One lady came over and spoke to me in soothing tones after the display was over.

I'm not embarrassed, really. I was with Big C when he had tantrums in public, and he wasn't nearly as loud. Nor did he get his freak on as many times as Little G. I'm just tired. Tired of walking on eggshells, waiting for the explosion. And stressed, because it's hard to listen to the screaming and not be able to help. He doesn't want my help. And sad that many more people than I would like don't get to see sweet little man that I know he is. That I've seen him be, countless times.

He really is a very good little boy. He's just a little loud, that's all.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

A R-ruff and a Royal Growl

My house looks like a bomb went off and shot piles of useless crap everywhere, and yet I still have time to watch American Idol. Apparently, watching pseudo-reality tv shows is more important than cleaning. Who knew?

Do you watch it too? You may scoff, but there are a lot of Really Important People who follow the show religiously. It must be an actor thing, because American Idol is pretty much just a fancier version of an audition. But I can't stop watching. And judging. And nit-picking. It's awesome.

And last night? The Big Upset. I had a funny feeling that Kris would win. Adam is clearly the better singer and performer (like, miles better) and yet he didn't win. And if I had the judges sitting in front of me, I would tell them that, no, Idol actually isn't a singing competition. Because if it was, Adam would have won, hands down. Idol is actually a pop(ular) competition. It's about finding someone that appeals to the masses, and that is not something that you can say about Adam. He challenges the audience, and downright frightens most of middle America. Kris is "cute", and Adam looks like he just came from an audition for The Cure.

Oh, but Adam is so ridiculously talented! If I had one ounce of his singing ability...I'd...well, I don't know what I'd be doing right now, but it would be a lot more exciting than, say, painting my box:

Whut?! Did Nomo just go all porno? Nah. Not me. But my son did say to me, more than once I might add, "I like yer box, mummy!" Wanna know why? Wanna see some pictures of my box?? Come on over to Playdate, my friends, and have a look-see. I'll show you as many pictures of my box that you want.

Monday, May 18, 2009

It Wasn't Me

I am completely against vandalism in any way, shape or form. But, if I had partaken in some illegal fun with city property, it would look something like this:

"If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you."

Seven Year Itch, my a$$. I never take my eyes off you. Happy Anniversary, love.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Switched at Birth?

While at a dance party in support of a wicked cool new moms blog, Mr Earth snapped the following photo:

Now, when he's a teenager and he does something that exasperates me, I can't use the time-honoured maternal guilt trip: "The hospital must have sent me home with the wrong baby, because you are not behaving like any son of mine...!"

Oh well. Apple --> meet tree.

I guess the real question here is: does he look like an aging mom, or do I look like a cute little boy?

Happy Mother's Day! Rock on, peeps.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Mother's Day Gift List Dissected

When I married Mr Earth, I married into a family that does not like surprise gifts. There is no searching for the Perfect Present. There is telephoning the person the week before the event and saying, "Whaddya want?", and then you go out and get it. The upshot is, of course, you never get anything you don't want. The downside is, there's little point in wrapping the gift because you already know what it is.

Assuming that my sons will grow up in this glorious tradition, I thought I would make life easier for them by running through the common Mother's Day gifts so that when they're frantically shopping the day before (men!), they would have a handy reference guide.

So, my sons, much like Jor-El did for Kal-El, I impart my parental wisdom in these words:

Card I'm really not a card person at all. Unless you made it with your own two hands (in which case I will treasure it forever), then don't give the card companies your money. It's all a scam to make you feel bad for not buying a card.

Chocolate The people at Godiva will have you believing that no only should you get chocolate, but you should get the best chocolate (i.e. them). With all due respect Godiva, your chocolate is good but also very, very expensive. I prefer Laura Secord french mint or buttercreams.

Flowers I love flowers! Except daisies, chrysanthemums, carnations or any other "filler" flower. Which means you have to pay a lot of money to get the kind of flowers I really like. These days, I think it would be better to spend your money on annuals that can be planted in the garden. The flower that keeps on giving. Still, you can't go much wrong with flowers.

Bath stuff I've always thought that this was a present you get for people you don't know very well. Plus, I don't take baths. And, I like plain old Ivory soap.

Perfume I have a soft spot for perfume, but it's very expensive and I hardly ever wear it. Plus the Body Shop and Crabtree and Evelyn both got rid of their freesia perfume line, so I don't know what I'd choose.

Spa stuff Well, this I love. But, it's really a present that only Daddies can afford, and technically, they're not supposed to be buying presents for me. I'm not their Mommy. (That would be sick.)

Breakfast in bed My gluten intolerance makes this venture kind of pointless, unless you're a Super Cook like Beck. Plus, I like to go for a run first thing in the morning on weekends.

Brunch I always feel obliged to eat too much to "get my money's worth" at brunch. And I dislike crowds. So I end up cranky, with a belly ache.

Handmade craft This is something I would treasure. A+

Prepaid Coffee Card Now, who doesn't like coffee??? A++

Probably the thing I would like best on Mother's Day is to relax, enjoy a cup of coffee and read my book. And the chance to not be the one "in charge" for the day. That, my darling boys, is priceless.


If the stars align, we are going to take ourselves to the pre-Mother's Day Bunch Family Dance Party tomorrow afternoon. I could use a glam rockin' party and some of those grown-up drinks. And a chance to help celebrate the launch of Canada Moms Blog featuring some of my favourite writers...and good friends.

Truly, the best kind of Mother's Day flowers are these, right here.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Race Day Report

Another first for me today. I haven't run a race since Big C was conceived. I think. (Oh my god, my mind is going. If I have run a race, it obviously made very little impression on me.)

Weather: 10 degrees Celsius, Clear and Sunny
Clothing: Long-sleeved technical Tee and bicyle shorts (to stop the jiggling)
Pre-race dinner: Tilapia, risotto and spinach salad
Pre-race food: Vanilla Crisp PowerBar (man that was gross, but they were sold out of Peanut Butter) and water
Distance: 10K

I should have worn a tee-shirt. But it's really hard to leave the house when it's frosty and you have to stand around the start line for an hour with nothing to do but freeze. No wait, I did have something to do - wait in a bathroom line-up for 40 minutes. Luckily, it was inside. And when I finally got there, it was surprisingly clean. Runners can be very civilized when they want to be. Thank you Yonge Street Second Cup for putting up with runners who want to pee, hate port-a-lets and can't risk buying coffee, or they will have to pee during the race. (Again.) I love you! But do you really need a mirror on the way to the washroom? No one needs to see what they look like with a full bladder and no make-up.

There were 12,000 people racing. That's a lot of people. The race started and we didn't move. I think I crossed the start line about 12 minutes after the race started. Still it was exciting. It's hard not to get caught up in the excitement. I totally understand mob mentality now.

After spending 40 minutes in line for the loo, I was way back in the crowd crossing the start line. Were I to do it again, I would want to be much further up. I spent a large portion of the race going in and out of pockets of people, trying to inch my way up. I may have actually run an 11K race instead of a 10K. And it was hot. I forgot how the race makes you feel so much hotter than you would in a regular run. Hence why I should have worn a tee.

The course itself was great - either flat or downhill - but so many people that I can't believe that runners are able to get their PB (personal best), unless they manage to elbow their way to the front of the crowd. I was running with a buddy, but lost her shortly after the 4k watering station because we got separated in the throng. It was very much like Titanic, but without all the drama or the Celine Dion music. So kind of not like it at all.

Overall, I was very pleased with my pace. I think I managed to keep it steady the whole way through. I always take walk breaks in my runs to drink some water (or because I'm lazy, take your pick) and I didn't in the race. It may have been because I was afraid to be run over. You know the Running of the Bulls? Picture that, but with Canadian runners sporting MP3 Players. And no bulls. Same, but different. I was thirsty by the end, though. I usually wear my fuel belt, but I thought I would somehow be faster if I got rid of any unnecessary weight. Ha, ha.

I ran out of juice by the last kilometre. Usually, that's when I put on the speed, choose my target runners, and start picking them off one by one. I was happy just to finish by that point. Proof that training for a race is a good idea. Results? VoilĂ :

Time: 51 minutes, 29.8 seconds
Pace: 5:09 per KM
Category Place (F 35 - 39...sigh I'm old): 133/904
Gender Place: 858/5886

Not terrible for someone who hasn't trained, and is uncertain that she has actually run 10K all at one time in the past 4.5 years. And it's got me jazzed to do more races, this time with actual preparation.

Hands down the best thing about this race? The fact that all my boys were there to cheer me on at the finish line. It doesn't get better than that. Good times.