Thursday, April 05, 2007

Vampires have sucked my brain dry...

Nothing like spending a weekend writing a paper on how Gothic horror fiction uses vampires as a metaphor to really make you brain dead. Umm, or "Undead", as the case may be. Add to that a paper on whether or not Daniel MacIvor's House is a masterwork, and a presentation yesterday that is worth as much percentage as the paper, and I'm done. Finished. I'm afraid there are no more thoughts in my head. I wrote down all the thoughts in my head and it only came to about 17 pages. That's pretty sad, if you ask me. (And please don't ask me anything, I am not capable of coherent thought).

What all this schoolin' has brought me to is the pathetic conclusion that I am not capable of original thoughts. My papers are cited and quoted within an inch of their lives, and I'm sure if I spent more time researching, I would only find out that the lone "original thought" I did have were, in fact, published in some book somewhere. I'm starting to think that mothers of young children are not cut out to go back to school. However, there are people out there who do it, so maybe I'm just lazy? All I know is I want to sleep for about a week, but I can't because I still have two exams to write. O woe is me! To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub. (Shakespeare, Hamlet - mixed lines).

In fact, I find myself "rehearsing" many of my conversations lately, either before or after the conversation has actually happened. I'm so worried that my thoughts are going to come out all jumbled, that I have to practice what I'm going to say before I say it. Is that something that has happened to me because I am a mother, or because it's "part of the mystery that is me" (MacIvor, House)? I wonder.

I just bought the Boy a pair of rainboots at lunch, and it's snowing outside. Good timing. Hope they fit, he has rather wide feet, and apparently, children who wear rainboots are all "delicate snowflakes" (Beck,
www.frogandtoadarestillfriends.com) who have very narrow feet.

10 comments:

Mayberry said...

I admire you for the going-back-to-schooling, I really do. I also, apparently jinxed most of North America by putting away my children's snowpants and boots and the extra blanket from my bed (which of course resulted in a cold snap + snowstorm just in time for Easter). Good luck on the exams.

Suz said...

It's not just the mother thing - I felt that way a lot of the time that I was in grad school, like all my so-called original thought was simply a jumble of other people's thoughts, much like your quotations. Sigh. I don't miss the feeling!

NotSoSage said...

Yes, yes, we shouldn't. I believe all mothers of young children should be lounging on a warm beach, being fanned by hot young wo/men (whatever floats your boat), sipping cocktails. That is certainly our just desserts.

Good luck with April!

Mimi said...

Sigh ... you finish writing. And I'm just starting the grading. A big big pile. Threatening to avalanche onto me. Coupled with that's-it-I'm-writing-my-damned-book-already stress. And original thoughts? All gone.

Snow here also. Bad for morale.

crazymumma said...

Pretty neat subject matter. It sounds like something I could sink my teeth into. sorry. couldn't help it...

Ginger Snaps by the way is one of my fave movies!

metro mama said...

It's not easy, is it. My brain is empty right now. Spent.

Kyla said...

Sorry about the undead brain syndrome you've got going on. I think once KayTar starts preschool, I'll be headed back to school as well.

kittenpie said...

I a;ways found to that after an essay was handed in or an exam was turned over, my brain was empty. I had dumped it all out ont he page and left it there. So much for learning... But I really think undergrad is only about teaching us to research, think critically about what we find, and build a sound argument - skills that form the foundation of any other academic-type endeavours. I'm not sure any prof truly expects real original thought in their undergrads, after a few years.

Mad Hatter said...

You are funny with all your citing. Funny.

Beck said...

I can't even imagine going back to school whith little ones underfoot, so I ADMIRE you greatly. Your brains are much better than you give them credit for, obviously. I'm sure you rocked your undead essay.