Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Cravings

When I started this blog, I gave it the name "nomotherearth" because, up to that point, I had spent my time as a new mother feeling very much on the outside. I would look at the other new mothers in my neighbourhood (and there are ALOT of new mothers in my 'hood) and feel like they knew something I didn't. They all seemed to have their act together, and here I was stumbling along like an infant learning to walk. I took a lot of falls. Truth be told, I'm still stumbling. I was especially fascinated by the mothers for whom this mothering thing seemed to come naturally. It was as if the "Mother Earth" juice just oozed out of their every pore. They seemed to know the right thing to do in every situation, and everything was just so easy for them. I, on the other hand, found nothing easy.

Since then, thanks to the support of a lovely bloggy community and some wonderful IRL friends, I have been able to come to terms with my shortcomings. Not absolutely, of course. I'm still somewhat embarrassed by how much I don't know. But I feel much less alone. I've also felt that over 2.5 years with the Boy has improved my maternal instincts so drastically that most days I can pass for someonw who knows what they're doing.

So I was taken aback when Mr Earth made a comment the other day that we don't, as he has been noticing other couples do, spend a lot of time Touching the Belly. My first (unthinking) response was "Yeah, I'm just not all that into it." Mr Earth snorted at my non-maternal comment. What I meant, of course, was that I was just not all that into Touching the Belly. I am VERY into having a baby. You just won't see me fondling my distended abs and smiling that secret smile. I should mention that although Baby Earth has been kicking up a storm, (s)he will stop moving the moment someone puts a hand on the Belly. I have only felt the kicks from the inside.

I think I may have regressed. When I was pregnant with the Boy, I really did try to do everything "right". Poor Baby Earth seems to be on his/her own. Not only have I eaten soft cheeses and deli meats from questionable submarine joints, but I've gone weeks without vegetables crossing my lips (unless tomato sauce counts as a veggie..?). I'm pretty sure that I had some undercooked shellfish at one point. Kegel? What's a Kegel?? On top of everything, I have been CRAVING red wine. Absolutely must have red wine.

I haven't indulged yet. I know that most reports say that a glass here or there is no big deal, but, um...let's just say that I'm not the poster-child for moderation. Generally, when I find something I like to eat - especially during pregnancy - I will eat just gobs of it until I'm so sick of it I can't stand to even have it in the house anymore. So I take sips of Mr Earth's wine here and there.

Measly, sad, depressing sips.

I want to take a nice bottle from our growing wine rack that I eye every morning while I make breakfast for the Boy. I want to hold a glass full of velvety warm goodness. I want to inhale the edgy fruit smell. I want to feel that pleasant soft hum in my shoulders as I finally relax after a taxing day. As irreverant as it may seem, having a good glass of wine at the end of the day is a little bit of a religious experience for me. And with each passing day of this pregnancy, I want it more and more.

This is so wrong. I can't even get cravings right. No pickles and ice cream for me. God forbid I should crave something that contains anything that my body actually needs like calcium or iron. No. I crave alcohol. I feel like the Don Music of motherhood. Anyone care to join me for a glass?? Cause I'll never get it right. Never, never, never!


27 comments:

motherbumper said...

Don Music is classic. Absolutely classic. I just heard your head hit the piano keys.

When I was preggers with Bumper I wanted a smoke sooooo bad (I had quit years previous) - oh and I wanted to drink soooooo bad. I'm 100% positive it was all due to the fact that I couldn't/shouldn't that made it even more precious to me.

crazymumma said...

oh gawd. who does get it right. (but I know what you mean, some people just make it look effortless)

I'll have an extra *hic* glass for you tonight.

metro mama said...

We went to Mexico for a last hurrah when I was 7 months pregnant. Bad place to go! Everywhere we went, it was happy hour and Sean would get two beers for half the price of my virgin margarita or whatever the hell I was stuck drinking. It killed me. I broke down and had a pint or two (not at the same time). In public no less!

cinnamon gurl said...

Nobody knows what they're doing... not really. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

I plan to drink a lot of wine before beginning any thoughts about a number 2. It really is hard!!

I couldn't keep my hands off my belly when I was pregnant but it was because it was so big and felt so foreign and intriguing. It wasn't so much a lovey dovey thing as a OMG that thing is still there, only now it's even BIGGER.

bubandpie said...

Don Music! I haven't thought of him in so long!

jen said...

it's the iron. or the potassium.

something. it's good for you. it's ok.

Alley Cat said...

DON MUSIC!!!! What an awesome reference. I also felt like everyone else knew more about mothering than me. They probably did, but we seem to be doing ok over here nonetheless.

"Yankie Doodle stays at home, cooking for his pony, puts fat spaghetti in a pot and called it macaroni."
(I'm so glad you revived him!)

Beck said...

I wanted beer more than ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD when I was pregnant with The Boy. It was painful.
Pregnancy is just HARD. You're doing a fine job.

kgirl said...

I haven't wanted much alcohol, but I can't keep my grubby hands off of sugary, caffeine-laden frozen coffee drinks. It's slowed down, but during those dog days of summer, I was drinking one a day.

And I definitely HAVE been accused of being a mother earth, and there have still been many, many times when either I am a) stumbling through it or b) looking at Chris and literally saying, 'are we supposed to know what to do here?'

But I can't believe how much more casually I am anticipating this impending child; I think it's a good thing. You'll do great. We can stumble together.

b*babbler said...

I'm always amazed at those well-put-together mothers. The ones who manage to do their hair, have the perfectly stocked diaper bag, have playdates and activities arranged for every day of the week, who bake and cook and clean and arrange crafts.

Yeah, it's not happening in this house either. I join you in your "no mother earth-ness".

Also, I'm pretty sure that a glass of wine at this point won't cause any damage. Look at all the babies born in France!

DaniGirl said...

Oh yes, me too, all of it! I'm positively salivating, by the way, at your description of how you covet that glass of red wine, although for me it's been Corona that I've been truly jonesing for since about the day after I peed on the stick.

So if none of us are those perfect mother types, where the heck are they coming from? And why do they seem to outnumber us IRL?

the dragonfly said...

I craved hamburgers with the Little Mister. Must have needed the protein.

And here's a funny thing. Here in Europe many doctors tell you to have a glass of red wine every night, to help you relax. Guess this is just more of a wine culture than the US.

Kathryn said...

HA! Don Music! I never knew his name. Love that guy.
I have been pregnant and breastfeeding for so long that I think I have become the cheapest date in history. One drink and I'm pretty toasted.
Go ahead and sip the red wine. And have your hubby bring a bottle of wine to the hospital to celebrate after baby is born. Your milk doesn't usually come in immediately, so drink away. Most hospitals don't mind. :)

Mimi said...

Ha. I never know what I'm doing, but I seem to exude an aura of competence that makes me look the part, even when I feel like a grade-A dork.

Have a drink. God, as I got near the end with Munchkin, I would nurse one beer for three hours, watching the Stanley Cup playoffs with Pynchon, and peeing every 8 minutes. Can't watch hockey without beer. And I found that if you give in to the craving a little bit, you feel WAAAAAYYYYY better.

LoryKC said...

I'm so glad you posted this! I have been craving red wine for most of my pregnancy! (That was HARD to give up!) I've had a few sips of the hubbies' wine here and there--though I know I got a few looks when I took a sip at a restaurant!
My mother had 5 kids and her doctors told her it was OK to have a glass and relax--it was better than getting stressed. So I've only had sips so far but I'm ready for a whole glass (at least!) myself!

(Did I just read someone suggesting having it IN the hospital?!?! I'm liking this idea!!!)

bren j. said...

Finally!! All this time, I thought I was the only mom EVER whose biggest pregnancy craving was alcohol!!! I never had cravings for pickles and ice cream either, but fermented fruity beverages?? Oh....I thought I would never make it! But I did...taking the same measly sips you're taking.

Hang in there! You've not much longer to go.

painted maypole said...

all those other mothers? they just try harder to hide their failings.

oh.. and good glass of wine... I hear you...

Lisa b said...

I can't tell if those girls are faking it, if I look like that too but just don't feel like I do, or if they are on drugs.

I also craved wine with Julia and thought the same as you do that if I gave in to a glass I'd soon be swigging out of the bottle. you won't don't worry!

Christine said...

you're doing great. and there is no right or wrong way--but you know that. we just all doubt ourselves sometimes.

and now I AM craving red wine!!!

Bon said...

your secret is safe with us. and teh rest of teh internets. hic. we're with you. :)

i too never knew Don Music's name...but oh, what a lovely blast from Muppetland he is! just right...as would be some wine right now, now that you mention it...

kittenpie said...

Just think how soon you *can* indulge in a glass or two, if timed well or you're prepared to pump'n'dump! There's a light at the end and all that...

And I was not all into the belly and stuff, either, it's not just you. I laughed when I first saw your name because I always felt the same. I'm not an earth mother, all overflowing with the joys. I never glowed. The growing of a human inside me didn't make me feel special, it made me feel weird and sci-fi-esque. hey, I don't think it makes me less of a good mother for all that, though. Or you, either.

Be Inspired Always said...

Your doing fine. Don't ever think you aren't living up to the other mothers out there, because guess what they have the same problems and confusion as every other mother.

Motherhood is difficult, Pregnancy is difficult, but once that is over with .. then it'll be something else. Just wade through... there is a light at the end of the tunnel.




Jillian

Mad Hatter said...

Mmmm. I thought I left a comment the other day. I guess not. When I was pregnant, MadDad and I were in London and Dublin for a week. Bah! A sip from his beer here, a sip from his beer there. I am still bitter. Oh for a Bitter or a Stout or a Lager.

Soon, No-Mo, soon. In the meantime a glass won't hurt either of you but I know what you mean about moderation.

Kyla said...

Red wine is rich with antioxidants! You are craving something good. :)

Baby Earth will emerge soon. Bring a good bottle of wine to the hospital with you as a treat.

Susanne said...

I have been craving wine and beer and things I wasn't supposed to eat or drink all through my pregnancy. And I didn't do the belly touching and doing everything right thing too.

I started writing a song about women who want to be "Mother Earth" a couple of years ago because I was so fed up with that whole thing. Maybe I should resurrect it.

cce said...

In my experience, those women who exude perfection in the motherhood category are either putting up a very good front or on a serious regime of anti-depressants. It is so much healthier to admit your shortcomings and take comfort in the fact that you have A LOT of company.

something blue said...

I made wine when I was pregnant so I feel your pain. It's hard not to give into those cravings. Maybe buy a big bag of wine gums candy. At least it says wine on the package.