Thursday, December 06, 2007

Second Helpings


Before having kids, we were both convinced that we wanted at least two children. (Mr Earth would like three, but for that he will have to take a second wife..) Then we had the Boy. Neither of us are big fans of the new baby phase. Our "A material" really only works on an audience that can talk, laugh and interact. Add to that an obscene amount of visits to lactation consultants, serious sleep deprivation due to pumping and tube-feeding, numerous late-night visits to emergency to get a hernia pushed back in, double hernia surgery at 2.5 months, colic, isolation and almost-depression...well, we got a little gun-shy.

At about a year, things got really good with the Boy. There was laughter, and words (even if the word was often No!), walking and so much more. I went back to work, and life returned to some degree of normalcy. Our lives had changed drastically, of course, but in a very good way. And we also got some of our pre-baby lives back. It was hard to think of going back to those early baby days. But we still wanted another.

We had the Boy though - sunny, easy-going and pretty darn close to perfect. We had a really good thing going. What on earth could possess us to mess that up? In the end, we made the Non-Decision. To simply Stop Preventing and See What Happens. It was the only way we could reconcile wanting another so much and yet wanting things to stay exactly the same.

You can guess what happened. Fate made the decision for us. And yes, I do believe in fate. I do believe that we were meant to have two, or it simply wouldn't have happened. A naive viewpoint, maybe, but that's who I am and I like that about me.

I was scared, so scared about what life would be like. I thought about all the things that could go wrong, and then some. I thought I would keep putting all my love and attention into the Boy, and would have none left over for the new baby.

What I didn't expect is to like it so much. I don't know if the Little Guy is easy-going by nature, or I made him easy-going by being so relaxed myself. I don't feel like I'm being weighed and measured, and found wanting. I don't feel like every mistake I make will Ruin His Life. In fact, I don't feel like I'm making mistakes all that much. (Nobody's perfect, though). On top of that, I think I may actually like newborns just a little bit..

I'm afraid to say that it's going well in case I jinx the whole thing. So we'll just treat it like Fight Club, ok? And what's the first rule about Fight Club? We don't talk about Fight Club. We'll just let his face do the talking for me:




28 comments:

Emily said...

That's a really cute picture.

Second children can be so much easier in some ways. But watch out when they learn to walk!

Don Mills Diva said...

What a darling picture! I'm so glad you're feeling so relaxed - obviously you were meant to have a second.

kgirl said...

i love the expression on his face. no doubt you guys are doing great, though i will second what you said in an earlier post and thoroughly agree that it is the toddler that is the trying one. maybe that's why the newborn seems so easy!

Mimi said...

I'm fascinated to follow you through this second kid: we're kinda where you guys were. Glad the baby nonsense is finally done, and really really enjoying our toddler. I always thought I wanted two ... but those baby months were Pure Hell and we're so perfect as a threesome ... I don't know ...

But you're enjoying it, huh? Interesting. Keep telling me all about it, please!

cinnamon gurl said...

Glad things are going so well... but jeez, you and kgirl are really going for the hard sell on #2. (Or maybe I'm just finding myself rather susceptible?)

kittenpie said...

Well, it is a pretty cute face.
I'm glad to hear all these second-timers saying this, because I have the same fears about whether I'd go crazy if I have another... I'm so glad to hear it's going well. For you, as well as for myself! (because, you know, we bloggers are so self-centred!)

motherbumper said...

Fight club - what a perfect comparison. We debate two often and both you and kgirl make it sound so easy. Damn I love that photo.

Gabriella said...

Glad to see things are going well...you & Kgirl are making things sound wayyyy too easy. But it does make me wonder.

And oh I'm not a teacher, I had very high hopes of becoming one but they never came true, now I'm just a lowly public servant.

b*babbler said...

I'm so glad it's going easier for you (I had no idea you had tube feedings with the first one... been there, done that and boy it sucks!)

Honestly the idea of a second one scares the living crap out of me, but everyone is making it sound so easy these days!

Alpha DogMa said...

What a cute baby.

"...we made the Non-Decision. To simply Stop Preventing and See What Happens..." famous last words of Michelle Duggar and look where THAT got her! No, I'm just kidding.

-Al'Ma
Fellow Mother of 2 Boys, and happily DONE with the new baby nonsense.

Beck said...

What a cutie.
And OH YEAH, that second baby is easier. With the first baby, you have NO CLUE and then with the second you do, and you're also too busy to really worry as much as you used to. I definitely had a lot more fun with The Boy and I think a lot of what makes that first baby so hard is not knowing going in.
The third baby, btw, is just honey.

Mac and Cheese said...

This was reassuring. Thank you.

Kathryn said...

My second was actually more difficult than my first. A ton, actually. Many, many sleep problems and colic. Poor kid.
So glad everything is going so well for you. All hail pleasant surprises with a second child!

bren j. said...

As cute as he is (!), I'm glad we're not seriously thinking about #2 yet. Don't I have to forget all the agony of labour & delivery first?

Re: That Fabulous Cake: If you're reasonably organized in the kitchen, it's not that 'challenging,' just a little time consuming. It's worth it though...but you should probably invite some company over just so you can share the fabulousness. A good use for the leftover ganache: chill it slightly, roll it in balls and then roll it in cocoa powder for some quick truffles. You can also mix the ganache in the microwave (about two minutes on regular power). It doesn't need as much cooling as the recipe says, either. Oh, just try it! Even if it doesn't turn out picture perfect...it's still chocolate.... and peanut butter...together. Mmmm

Maddy said...

An Irish couple, friends of mine, were convinced that they would have at least six. They reviewed that after the first one was born pretty rapidly.
Cheers


This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.

metro mama said...

You and K-girl give me hope!

SusieJ said...

What a story -- but I went for four -- not planned.
Susiej

Kyla said...

I'm so glad, you know, about Fight Club. ;)

Tot's Mom said...

I have one kid now and my mind is thinking, how on earth am I going to cope if I have another?? Thus far, my fear of coping has stopped me from having a second baby. Like you said, whether I'll end up having another is perhaps up to fate. :)

Haley-O said...

Oh, he's beautiful!!! :) Loved the Fight Club allusion-- good one!

jen said...

there should be more talking about Fight Club.

love that pic.

Badness Jones said...

Glad you're loving life with 2! The little guy is completely cute.

Lisa b said...

Awwww!
#2 is a total cake walk compared to the mindfuck of the first.

Susanne said...

I love that you write that you love it so much. Of course this makes the part of me that has reconciled with having only one child wanting another one.

But then, I believe in fate too. So we made the decision not to have a second one (because my husband doesn't want to), and simultaneously changed to a method of contraception that is slightly less safe (because I wanted to).

From this post I deduct that your older one has settled down a bit too...

painted maypole said...

cute! glad it is going so well!

Christine said...

what you said about believing in fate: "but that's who I am and I like that about me."

i like that about you, too.

wonderful picture!

DaniGirl said...

Oh, this post made me smile, but that picture is absolutely adorable!!

So glad two looks good on you!

DaniGirl

ewe are here said...

I love this post. It's so honest, and it makes a lot of sense I think to people who wondered how the second act would play out, especially after the first act had gone pretty well.

I have to admit, we didn't struggle too much with either boy, but I've been so much more relaxed with our second one just because I know what counts and what doesn't this time around. And I think it shows in his personality.

I'm glad it's going so well for you. Love the pictures (as I play catch up here)!