Monday, March 24, 2008

Welcome to Motherhood, Mrs Earth

Top ten reasons I am a Bad (not Michael Jackson Bad, just plain old not good) Mother:

  1. I didn't throw a birthday party with lots of kids for the Boy when he turned 3 because I was too tired. We just had a small family gathering - and not even at our house.
  2. The Boy is very happy if he sees that the sun is up when he awakens: "I didn't wake up too early, Mummy!"
  3. The Boy thought the jelly beans in his Easter basket were to be saved for peeing in the potty. It never occurred to him that he could have them just because. (I didn't even think to get an actual basket for the Little Guy and had to scramble to find a vessel the night before)
  4. In this neighbourhood of "roll over and dial", the Little Guy is not yet on any daycare waiting list.
  5. I am very short-tempered with everyone. About everything.
  6. I ask that the Boy be patient and helpful with the Little Guy, but am not consistently modelling that behaviour myself, and I am the ADULT.
  7. The Boy said "I can't help you right now" the other day, and I know exactly from whom he got that particular phrase.
  8. I try to talk the the Little Guy out of crying so much, as if he's capable of listening to reason.
  9. When I can't take it any longer, sometimes I just let the Little Guy scream without even trying to comfort him.
  10. I have yet to drop daycare days because I am overwhelmed at the thought of being alone with both boys all day long.


cinnamon gurl said...

That doesn't make you a bad mother. It just makes you a mother. You're doing a great job!

Beck said...

How do any of those make you a bad mother?
1. I ddn't throw The Girl a sixth birthday party because The Baby was only a month old and I was too overwhelmed.
2. We TELL The Baby not to dare wake us up on the weekends unless the son is up.
3. We had to scramble to find our Easter baskets, too. Isn't that part of Easter?
4. The Baby RARELY makes it to the free playgroup that is - uh oh! - today.
5. I am very short-tempered with everyone. About everything. It is just part of my crabby, crabby charm.
6. Learning about adult hypocrisy is an important childhood lesson.
7. The Baby screeches "NOT IN JUST A MINUTE!"
8. My husband once snapped at the week-old baby "BE REASONABLE!" when she pooped on him. Hahahaha.
9. You comfort him most of the time, and I'm sure you don't leave him wailing for ages all alone, but sometimes a human being needs a minute to calm down and catch their breath.
10. The Boy went to daycare part time right after I had The Baby because I thought I was going to lose my mind. Most of my friends with small babies have their older ones go to daycare at least one morning a week.
There. Do you feel better now?

Beck said...

Not "the SON" but "the SUN." However, our son tends to be up by that point, too.

kgirl said...

spring will make things SO much better - I promise.
in the meantime - i have coffee. come.

kittenpie said...

Let me tell you a few things, love.

1. I don't do big birthday parties because frankly, I don't see the point at this stage, and they are expensive, too. I think they are just showing off.

2. Our kid is learning to go read stories or do a puzzle if we're still sleeping. The other morning she was tugging on my foot and I told her to go away. Nice.

3. I didn't know I was supposed to get easter eggs to hide. Nobody told me that! So we hid four of her five little sheep, which I think was just FINE, Misterpie! Ahem.

5. I am very short-tempered myself. Try me.

6. I don't let Pumpkinpie yell at me, but, well...

8. When I was in sheer desperadoes with baby Pumpkinpie, I'd just wail along with her, to let some of the frustration out.

9. I walked away a couple of times, too - sometimes, it's better for both of you if you really need that break.

10. I have no plans to drop daycare once The Bun comes along. None at all. I want to be able to give him/her attention like I did to pumpkinpie, and she loves seeign her friends there. Her days will be shorter, but she'll still be going. ON top of kindergarten, mind.

It's not being a bad mother, it's doing what makes it work okay for you. and all anyone can ask is that we do our best.

Susanne said...

1. my son is in kindergarten five days a week from 8.30 am to 4 pm even though both my husband and I are only working in the afternoon. Because we can't stand being talked to constantly.
2. when my son was a tiny little baby I screamed at him to please just be quiet and let me sleep when he had cried for hours on end. I told him I didn't know what was wrong either, so please shut up.
3. every time I ask my son to do something he says, "I can't come now because I have to finish this first." without fail.
4. on weekends he spends a lot of time at his grandmothers'.

I think our society has too high expectations on motherhood. Please, don't worry.

bren j. said...

Number 2 is my favourite!

I can't remember my third birthday. Really. I'm trying. I can't!

Lisa b said...

yeah. right there with ya babe.
especially #6.
the second one has just sent me over the edge.

Mimi said...

Oh, can I hang out with all the rest of you 'bad' mothers? Because all these reasons are all mine, too. And I'm an AWESOME mother!

Let's just all be crabby together, ok? Our kids are learning important lessons on how to read facial expressions.

(Over here, whenver the oven timer dings, Munchkin thinks we have to switch activities. We got so tired of tantrumy transitions, we abdicated our responsibility to a 3 dollar digital clock ...)

Mad said...

Ya, you suck. Welcome to my club.

Hey, remember what that woman in the grocery store or whatever said to you about being a good parent. Days like these are days when you're allowed to draw on such a comment as gospel truth. Suck that comment to the marrow, No-Mo.

Kyla said...

1. We STILL don't throw BubTar big friend invited parties.
2. BubTar climbs in our bed in the morning and turns on cartoons while letting us continue to sleep.
3. We ALMOST forgot to make the baskets. Sigh.
4. KayTar has zero activities, other than therapy. BubTar STILL isn't involved in anything other than school
5. I am very short-tempered with everyone. About everything. YUP.
6. Double YUP.
7. Here the favorite is "IN A MINUTE!"
8. Been there, too.
9. I have to do the same thing with KayTar sometimes.
10. BubTar continued to go to daycare for entirety of my maternity leave...just so I could have SOME peace.

b*babbler said...

Oh sweetie - if this is what makes you a bad mother, then I'm going straight to hell.

Seriously - I've found myself uttering "You're FINE" so many times recently. I know that it is supposed to undermine their emotions and is a parenting no no, but oh... the whine. The whine is a-killing me.

And my temper is killer these days. Peanut is on the verge of talking (I think) and I shudder to think what her first word is going to be... Oof!!

Holly said...

I have a mommy-sized time out chair at my house. It's my happy place...

Heather Benza said...

just popped over from Beck--though I didn't write it I was thinking I'd have chosen killing me softly too!! Check the version made by the fugees.

Christine said...

these don't make you a bad mother, hon--they make you human.

i know it is hard right now, but you deserve to cut yourself some slack. you are doing a fine job from what i can tell here. and trust me i do all of these things and WORSE. my girl isn't having a birthday party this year either. they don't need a b kid BD party every year yet it is easy to fall into the trap of believing that a family gathering isn't good enough. the point of BD's is that they feel loved, and special,and get cake.. .

anyway--you get my point.

Running on empty

Don Mills Diva said...

Sounds like a normal mom to me - don't be so hard on yourself!

Naomi (Urban Mummy) said...

No, no, not a bad mother...a real mother!!

It will all look better when the sun comes out. Seriously.

BlocksofStone said...

Sometimes I tell my children that they are evil. Pure evil. Whose the baddest mother of all now, eh?