Monday, November 06, 2006

The Original Undomestic Goddess

To the makers of Ziploc "Double Zipper" Bags: Why do you persist on perpetuating the myth that these bag are easy to close? Using children in your advertising doesn't change anything. I am university-educated, and I have a garnered a certain manual dexterity in my three decades of life, and I still can't close them without a great deal of effort. And don't get me started on the "Easy Zipper" option. They may be easy to open and close, but they rip if you use this feature more than once. Save the easy zipper for toddler jackets. Now there's a place it would be useful. Or, Brad Pitt's pants. I'm flexible.

To the makers of Clover Leaf tuna: Why is it that you are incapable of coming up with a container that is easy to open? Or am I simply incapable of opening said can without squirting tuna juice on my clothes? No self-respecting girl wants her pants to smell like fish. Period. Starkist at least gave it a shot with that crazy pouch thingie. Although carrying a bag of fish around with me "for convenience" ranks right up there with fishy pants.

To innovators everywhere: Why is there no Easy Bake Oven for adults? Not everyone is Martha Stewart, and my pill bottle clearly states that I should not be operating heavy machinery. Have some decency and throw a girl a bone! I'd post a picture of the carrot loaf that I baked this evening, but this is a family-friendly blog, and I'm simply not up to fielding the phone calls of angry adults.

And lastly, to the makers of PVR: A big thank you for allowing me the time to discover that I should just stick to cutting vegetables. Keep to your strengths, I always say. Now, I can finally enjoy Heroes with some raw, but expertly sliced, veggies... Mmm, raw veggies!...Dieting sucks. I wonder, would it be wrong to take Hallowe'en candy out of the garbage, as long as it was still in it's wrapper? Not that I would consider actually doing such a thing...! Just a moral quandry I'm working on. Sigh.


kittenpie said...

I'm pretty damn undomestic myself, but I must confess to an unholy love of Ziploc.

I am currently hating the pouches my catfood comes in, though, which dribble revolting gravy on my fingers. I thought the point was supposed to be avoiding that kind of mess and inconvenience!

Beck said...

Brad Pitt's pants, or as I like to call it, "My Happy Place."

You're beating me at dieting - what are these vegetable things you speak of? But tomorrow, game ON. And there are SO Easy Bake Ovens for grown-ups! My husband has specifically asked for a certain model that installs in your computer's hard drive - I can't remember where it's sold, but it cracks me up.

Jenny said...

Amen, Amen, Amen.

PS. Save the cheerleader. Save the world.

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean about the Ziplocs. Yet they're still the best brand we've been able to find, go figure!

When I had a cat, I always suffered through the opening of the cat food tins, even the ones with the little pull rings. No matter how careful I was, my fingers still got that 'cat food' smell. Ugh!

Anonymous said...

Tuna juice. The worst lingering smell in the world.