All I Want for Christmas

Dear Internets,

I need your help. I don't think that I'm the World's Worst Photographer, but the litany of unusable photographs I've taken would say otherwise. I do know how to work our camera, but every time I take a bunch of photographs, I know that some of them - usually the best ones - will probably be out of focus or otherwise unusable. This is driving me crazy! I actually really like taking photos, especially when those photos involve my beautiful boys. I feel like I am losing a part of their childhood to either a crappy camera, or crappy photo skills. Or both. Either way I lose.

Could someone please PLEASE suggest a great camera to buy? One that is preferably foolproof, and easy to use for dummies like me. Please don't make this be the norm in my children's albums:

Rebirth(day)

Hey there...Little Guy here. Since today is the day I was scheduled to make my way into this mad world, I thought I'd take a moment to introduce myself. After all, you've only heard from my parents so far, and they're kind of biased.

So....Hi! I'm a Scorpio. Hair: Dark brown. Eyes: Not sure. I'm hoping for blue. I plan to wow the ladies and this colour combination would be most sexy. Lock up your daughters, BlogMammas.

Likes: Sucking on fingers. Sucking on boobies. Basically a whole lot of sucking going on here. Oh yeah, don't forget pooping. I like that ALOT.

Dislikes: Hats. Baths. Diaper changes. Swaddling. Hiccups. Sleeping at night.

Despite my early expulsion, I came into this world with dignity. Barely cried at all. Could've been the drugs. I was feeling FIIINE. I'm not much for sibling rivalry, but my mum says I've been doing much better than my brother when it comes to breastfeeding. Score one for me! Not that I'm keeping count. I've also had a lot less hospital visits so far. Score two! Really, I'm not keeping count. But I AM a pretty fabulous baby brother...even if I do say so myself.

Not yet 3 weeks old and I've already been out and about spreading my charm. I've been to Mummy and Daddy's work. I've had walks in the stroller. I've been to the mall and Walmart

and Loblaws. I'm so cool. I've even been to the Santa Claus parade - although I only saw it from the 29th floor of an office building. Too cold for me. I'm no fool.

The Boy is not so sure about me. He waffles between kisses and tantrums. That's okay, I'll win him over later. He's pretty interested whether or not I have a poopy diaper or not. Hey, it's a start. I'll take what I can get.

Soon the whole world will bow down and kiss my feet. I'm setting a course for World Domination.

Bjorn Again

After our second doctor's appointment the other day (the Little Guy's almost back at birth weight - yay!), I headed out to a nearby baby store to buy...a Sling. I didn't use a sling with the Boy, I was too intimidated by the mounds of fabric. We used the Baby Bjorn instead. For the most part, we were very happy with it too, with the exception of the backaches from prolonged wearing. Still, our Bjorn served it's purpose. We used it for many a nap or stroll in the neighbourhood. The amount of spit-up covering the fabric shows just how much use we got out of it.

This time around, though, I was determined to try the Sling. I wanted to be more organic, more "Earth Mother-ish". I kept seeing all these women using a sling and it just looked so...natural. I wanted to be more natural too. I wanted to prove that I had learned something from having been a mom already. I wanted to show that I could relax and just enjoy motherhood. As far I could see, you could be one of two types of moms:

A) Sling-Wearer (ie. what I aspire to): Effortless, casual, primal, can breastfeed anywhere without embarrassment, born mother, always has the answers, this mothering gig is so easy I could handle ten babies, looks not a day over 30 eventhough she has two teenaged kids kind of mom.

OR

B) Bjorn-Wearer (ie. me): Complicated, make things harder than they have to be, clinging to active pre-baby life, how can you make your baby sleep in that position, awkward, doesn't know what she's doing, breastfeeding is a challenge, will probably buy the Thighmaster and get breast implants before she's forty kind of mom.

Anyways, I tested out a couple slings in the store and brought one home. That's when things went downhill. I couldn't make it work! It wasn't comfortable! The Little Guy was screaming, and that was the only way I could tell that he wasn't suffocating in the folds of fabric.

How was it comfortable in the store, but NOT AT ALL when I got it home??

Yesterday, I exchanged the Sling for the Active Baby Bjorn. It's comfortable. It's me. Maybe it's about time I just accept who I am. Which is not so very bad a person. Or mother. If I can be comfortable with that, it won't matter whether I Sling or Bjorn.

He won't care either way...

His Story

The day started at 4am, which is waaay too early for anything to start if you ask me. I woke up feeling slightly "wet". Disgusting as that may be (TMI anyone?), at 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant, I was only slightly surprised. I thought it best to haul ass to the bathroom, though, before any further accident occurred. When I stood up to wipe myself off, the dam burst. The toilet paper in my hand looked unequal to the job. So, not knowing what else to do I grabbed a towel from the wall and put it down on the floor and just stood there.

Thoughts running through my head? "This can't really be happening can it?? It's too early." Or "Crap, this is really happening. But I have a shower to go to tomorrow, and theatre tickets next Saturday!" And, "Yay, I'm going into labour so nobody will force me to have a repeat section because I'm overdue!" And finally, "What the hell do I do now??"

The answer to that last question was pack a travel bag for the Boy and assemble my hospital bag. I tried to do as much as I could before waking Mr Earth. No sense in him losing sleep too. I was WIDE AWAKE though. Why do they suggest going back to bed at this point? No deal for me. Finally, though, I had to wake the man and let him know what was happening. It took a while for him to register it because we simply were not expecting this so early.

I thought that I was supposed to go in to the hospital right away. I was sure the doctor had said to do this because of the whole VBAC situation. But since it was so early and way too inconvenient to wake the Boy, we called the hospital instead. They said to wait until the contractions were closer together.

So, the day went on as usual, except that I decided to NOT to go for a run that morning. It seemed unwise. We did go grocery shopping, though, and then sort of hung out at home. I started using low-toning for the contractions which were about 15 minutes apart. We called all three sets of parents to let them know what was happening, and to arrange for someone to watch the Boy as my parents were in New Jersey. Mr Earth's stepmother was on call and ready to come by.

The low-toning got a little boring for me (short attention span), so I started singing with each contraction instead. For some reason, the only song I could think of was "Do You Hear The People Sing" from Les Misérables. Not the most appropriate lyrics, but very inspirational. It was the only song with low notes that came to mind anyways, so I was stuck with it.

Finally, around 3pm in the afternoon, I had had enough and wanted to go for a walk. The Boy was being rather obstinate but into the stroller he went despite complaints. We walked down to the local Second Cup and I had a mulled apple cider. I wondered if people could tell I was in (early) labour. We started walking again - I wanted to return a book to the library - but I decided that we should go home as the contractions were getting worse. Of course, the Boy wanted to walk home so it took a loooong time.

We finally got home around 5pm and decided we really should call Mr Earth's stepmother as it would take her 45 minutes to get to our house and the contractions were now steadily 5 minutes apart. And active labour had begun. I spent much of the next hour on my hands and knees moaning in pain. It frightened the Boy, who kept shushing me, but I really couldn't help myself.

Mr Earth's stepmother finally got there at around 10 minutes to 6pm and we rushed to the car. I have never hated being in car so much. I felt confined in a uncomfortable seat, and each contraction was hellish. I hated every bump. I cursed the Bloor Street traffic. I hit the wall of the car. I was VERY mature.

Mr Earth dropped me off at admitting so he could go park the car. I waited interminable for the two receptionists to stop having their debate about what to eat for dinner. Finally, the girl deigned to help me. I left the papers on her desk and got down on my hands and knees again, moaning. Yeah, this is not embarrassing at all. Strangely, she asked no questions. I was sort of expecting an "Are you all right?" or "Can I get you a wheelchair", or "Should I call a nurse?" Nothing. Once she admitted us she pointed us in the direction of the elevators. I'm pretty sure I gave her the blackest look of death I had. Don't piss off the woman in labour..

In the elevator, I got down on my hands and knees again with contractions. I had to crawl out of the doors. Some guy gave me a strange look. He pissed me off too. At triage, they put me in a room and did an exam to see how far along I was. The woman was really abrupt and rather unkindly shoved her hand up the wazoo in the middle of a contraction. She REALLY pissed me off. I was at 5 centimetres.

I was taken (walked? I can't remember) to the labour room. I had high hopes of waiting till 6 centimetres before even considering an epidural, but the pain was too much. I really thought I had a better tolerance for pain. I was doing my best not to scream through contractions, which were coming one on top of the other. I was VERY loud. The hospital phrased it "patient was in distress". They couldn't get the IV to stop bleeding or stay stuck to my hand. They apparently gave me an epidural, but after my constant polite questions of "When is that damn epidural supposed to work??" they finally realized that it hadn't "taken". WTF???

So, at around 8:30 and 8 or 9 centimetres dilated, they gave me a spinal. After that, I felt FINE. Contractions were happening nonstop but I couldn't feel them. They gave me about half an hour before they wanted me to start pushing. They said I might feel the urge to push, but I didn't believe them because I felt FIIIINE. I did feel the urge, though.

The pushing (with drugs) was actually not bad. Rather uncomfortable, but not nearly as awful as I thought. It was all going so fast. I felt a rush of blood (ruined a perfectly good pair of sport socks in the process), and they pulled out the baby. As they brought him up to my chest, I saw the goods and knew it was a boy, and no one had to make the "It's a Boy!" announcement I was so looking forward to.

I got to hold him for a spell. He was so small it was like holding on to air. I barely felt the weight of him. I was in shock that it was November 3rd and I was holding my baby already. The family complete. The trio turned quartet. Life is good.

Now, if only we could find time to sleep.

A shout out to the Peeps from the little guy. Yo, yo, yo!

Baby Earth II Arrives!

Hi All, Mr. Earth Here..

I thought that I'd take this opportunity to quickly update everyone about..... ME!

Turnons:
-Sunshine
-Long walks on Beaches

Turnoffs:
- Clouds
- Rainy Days

(yes, I think that I'm VERY funny..)

Oh, yeah, I'm also pleased as punch (but really is punch all that pleased... moving on..) to announce that Baby Earth II was born last evening at 9:44 pm.

A BOY! (It's true I only have male sperm!!) Weighing in at 6lbs and 12 ounces.

Delivery was... well.... let's say I'm glad that I'm a guy....

But to summate:

- We left for the hospital at around 6 and we probably left it a little to late as Mrs. Earth was in some MAJOR pain...
- We got to the hospital around 6:30 and she was keen on the epidural immediately...
- Unfortunately... it took a while to happen...
- Then, the first epidural "didn't take" (comment: HUH??)
- Finally, she got a "spinal" around 8:30 or so - and it was all puppy dogs and icecream after that..
- She pushed like a champ

More later..

Mr. Earth

Unprepared, as usual...

So...um...yeah....my water just broke. I think I remember my doctor saying that I should get something like that checked out? They may send me home again, but it's a good idea, right??

My parents were slotted to take care of the Boy. They're out of town until Tuesday.

Would this be a GOOD time to pack the hospital bag? Or install the car seat?? Just wondering.

I'll keep you posted as possible. Who knows? I could have Big News really soon...

Barbies, Barbed Wire and BB Guns [MBT]

Faithful Mama Drama readers may remember that I was going to be in a play right about now, but the director decided that it was too risky since I am so close to my due date. Personally, I think that I still could have done it, but since I recently twisted my SI joint, perhaps it's a good thing that I wasn't cast.

It's no doubt a conflict of interest to review a play that I should have been cast in, but what the heck, right? It's my column and I'll cry if I want to. Just keep in mind that I am probably still bitter and jealous. Add to that the fact that the Husband and I were stuck in traffic for the FOUR HOURS leading up to the play because we had to drop the kid off at my parents, AND the fact that we didn't have time for dinner before the show, and I probably wasn't in the best "theatre-viewing mindset" ever. (For the love of all that is good, will someone please feed the 9-month preggo lady?? Yeesh.) But it's not that often that I get to see live theatre these days, so here goes..

Read more at Mommy Blogs Toronto.

And hey - did you know that MBT is participating in NaBloPoMo?? Check back every day for new posts.