Wednesday, February 06, 2008

What kind of mom are you?

So, you're alone in the house with two kids. Your three-year-old is, thank god, asleep. Your three-month-old just had the largest poo on the face of the planet and is leaking everywhere. You're downstairs in the playroom with a cream-coloured carpet. Your leftover pizza is reheating under the grill, and is going to start burning in about a minute. You decide to change the smelly bum, so you put a change pad down on the carpet and take off the diaper quickly, knowing the baby will undoubtedly poo again in short order. You smell something charred coming from the kitchen, and as you do, you notice a ginormous centipede making it's way across the carpet towards you and the baby. What do you do first? Do you:

A) Kill the bug.

B) Rescue the pizza from the oven.

C) Change the diaper.

If you answered...

a) You're The INSECTOPHOBE: After all, poo can be cleaned up and you can always find something else to eat. Disgusting, vomitous, overly large bugs in the house, on the other hand, are not acceptable. No, not in the least. Die, bug, die!

b) You're The GOURMANDE: Healthy, edible meals are your priority. Poo isn't the end of the world, and the bug may get mired in the feces, thereby killing two birds with one stone. You need to feed the machine, if you're going to get through the rest of the evening alone.

c) You're The LAZOID: This baby is a poo machine, and your carpets are cream! Did I mention the carpets are CREAM? That may not have been your best idea, but cream they are, though, and unchangeable. You scoff at people who say that carpets can be cleaned, and claim they are leading a chimerical existence. Burnt pizza is a charming foible of yours, and bugs are God's creatures too. Besides, the bug is gone now. Out of sight, out of mind. Almost. And the burnt pizza? Yummy... Not.

***If you haven't guessed, I chose option C.

15 comments:

Bon said...

what about option D, wherein the time crunch of burning pizza, the presence of poo everywhere and the fact that i am terrified of bugs would make me simply start to cry.

:)

kittenpie said...

I'd go with the poo, too. Heck, the baby might start to ROLL. No one wants to deal with that. The bug can be squashed if he gets within range. Burnt food? Feh. My mother burnt every piece of toast I ever ate. I laugh in the face of burnt food.

Kyla said...

I'd scoop up the Poopinator, poop and all, dash to the kitchen flip off the pizza, and then stomp the centipede on the way back, and THEN change the diaper. And probably change my clothes and the baby's clothes because I think he already pooped again.

metro mama said...

I would have checked on my pizza before removing the diaper.

ewe are here said...

C, but I prefer to think of myself as PRACTICALZOID, because carpets are a b*tch to clean. And the pizza will still be edible.

Plus, if the bug gets close enough while I'm doing it, I can snag him with a baby wipe and add him to the nappy sack of pooey diaper stuff.

And they are little poo machines at that age. Sigh.

kgirl said...

this is pretty much a nightmare for me. but i think i'd do things in the order you list 'em.

wheelsonthebus said...

B. TOtally B. Then the diaper. The bug? Who the hell cares?

bren j. said...

Hah! What a great post! I would totally have moved the baby away from the bug and saved my pizza. We have wood floors and we won't be living here forever so I couldn't care less about the floor. Yay me!

Christine said...

hmmm. i would have flicked the ug across the room which is quicker and less messier that killing it. i would cover the poo quickly in order to get my pizza saved.

because i am always hungry.

Running on empty

Don Mills Diva said...

HA - I have to say I'd pick B not because I'm a gourmand but because I'm a piggy when it comes to food and also too cheap to let good food burn...

motherbumper said...

Poo - I never fool with poo 'specially when cream carpets are involved.

crazymumma said...

Oh god, I would have tried to do all three at once and it would have been a disaster.

Is there a term for doing all three at once?

Beck said...

I would
1. Throw a towel or something under the kid
2. Save the pizza
3. Run back to the living room, stomping on the bug as I went and
4. Change the kid.
But then, I am an EXPERT.

toyfoto said...

poo trumps everything.***

*** says the woman who is trying to train her dog to eat the bugs that frighten her and would never in a million years turn on the oven for anything other than cookies. That's why we have a microwave, right? Yes. It. Is.

Mimi said...

toooo funny, nomo. i put myself in the sit perfectly still and freak out camp.