Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Don't Trouble Trouble

Do you ever hear somebody say something completely innocuous, and you just get this feeling in the pit of your stomach - good or bad - that it's going to come true? I do.

When it's a good thing, I call it the "Ring of Truth". It's happened to me a couple of times that stand out in my memory. In the last year of theatre school, my favourite guest teacher, Peter Hinton, handed out a pamphlet for his Restoration Theatre workshop in Abbotsford. It was seven weeks long, an their were limited spaces, but I said to my friend "I think I'm going to do this". And I knew I would. And I did. The other time, not-yet-Mr-Earth and I were at a friend's wedding, and he turned to me and said "I want that to be us up there.". We were only a year into our four year courtship, and he was drunk as a skunk (do skunks really get drunk?), but I said "I want that too." And I knew it would happen. And it did.

When it's a bad thing, I call it the "Audition Feeling". That's when you're allowed to get through your whole monologue or song, and they say "Thanks for coming out. We'll call you." And you know that you're never going to hear from them. And you don't. Let's not get into how many times I have had that particular feeling, as I don't want to get too depressed.

Now that the weather is getting better, and the Little Guy is getting older, we have decided to drop a couple of days from the Boy's daycare schedule. He'll still be going three days a week, but we'll save some money, and I'll get more of a chance to hang out with the Boy while my mat leave plays out. We have to keep him in part time so that we don't lose our spot entirely. It feels like a good decision. It feels right. I'm also a little scared that I won't be able to handle it gracefully, but whatever - suck it up Nomo.

This morning, when I dropped the Boy off at daycare, one of his teachers said "I'm really going to miss him when he's not here every day. He's doing so well." Nice enough, right? But the way that she said it sounded like we were leaving the daycare entirely. It scared me. It took a LONG time to get a daycare spot. Anyone who lives in our area of the city knows that they are next to impossible to find. And I can't afford to lose it. And I can't go back to work part time either. It's full time or nothing in my position.

Now, what felt like a good decision, may turn out to be the worst possible one if I can't get our spot back. I'm already stressed out that we have no solution for the Little Guy, as most openings around here start at 16-18 months, and I have to go back when the Little Guy is 12 months. He's not on any daycare list at all as I'm in denial, and it seems futile when there is just no spot to be had. Am I borrowing trouble??

I'm just going to close my eyes and hope that it all works out in the end. Mature, no?


Mimi said...

Ack! I don't think she meant too much by it ... except that she probably will miss him, and is hoping the other 2 days won't be filled by a screeching demon toddler.

Does your daycare have a sibling-priority policy? Ours does: siblings of current 'students' jump the queue, to keep families together and prevent the kinds of loss of sleep you're facing over worry. Worth asking.

Oh, and I only put Munchkin on one wait list. I'm the queen of denial too :-)

Beck said...

This can't be easy. I think the decision to have some extra time with The Boy is a good one - I've never ended up regretting time I've spent with my children.
A phonecall to the daycare to check on their sibling admission policy and whether his half-time status will jeopardize his long-term placement might not be too painful.

kittenpie said...

I'm sure it doesn't mean a thing - plus, as Mimi notes, most daycares give preference to siblings, so go put him on the list now! With pumpkinpie, we bridged that 6-month gap with a shared nanny, which we may do again, but I'm also going to explore the possibility of getting one of the 16-month slots, and maybe taking enough holiday to work part-time for those four months and have a neighbour or mother-in-law see to the two days or so a week I'd be working. It will work out somehow, even if you have to go with a stopgap measure for a short time.

painted maypole said...

"audition feeling" I know it well.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you'll love that extra time with the boy. Just remember: to cut yourself some slack. Chaos is good for children.

Mad said...

I feel confident that, no matter what, your boys will be well-cared for when you return to work. The thought of them just hangin' at the public library all day is, after all, quite silly.

kgirl said...

the whole childcare solution already has me up at night. i'm pretty sure we'll just get a nanny again and be totally broke.

Kyla said...

I think it will work out wonderfully. Giving the daycare a call about sibling policies is probably a good idea, too.

Lisa b said...

Lalalalalalala. Put your fingers in your ears.
I've never known anyone actually not be able to get childcare. It always comes up at the last minute and saves the day.

bren j. said...

Now THAT'S a dilemma! I hope you can get something figured out sometime soon so you can spend the rest of your mat leave relaxing...or chasing your boys! :)