Sunday, July 22, 2007


I've been freaking out a bit lately when thinking about our upcoming new addition to the family. There are days, I tell you, when I wonder why in the world I would want to go all the way back to "square one", when we have such a good thing going already. But then I thought - we're not really going back to square one, are we? I'm a different person than I was before I had the Boy. I may not know everything, but I have learned a lot, and it's not useless information. So, I thought I would use my one hundredth post (woo hoo! took me long enough), to prove that I have indeed learnt something. My theory is, if I can come up with 100 things I've learnt, then maybe I'm not so unprepared for #2 as I feel I am. If you actually make it to the bottom of the list and there are things you would like to add to it, please let me know. I welcome all knowledge.

100 Things I Did Not Know Before I Had a Baby:

1. Take a few days to yourself before the birth if possible.
2. Pack the baby bag well ahead of time, because it’s hard to do while you’re leaking water everywhere.
3. If you ignore the part of the video about C-sections in labour class, you will undoubtedly have to have one.
4. C-sections may be easier than labour in the short run, but the recovery SUCKS.
5. Babies come out funny-coloured. Mine was purple. Did I miss that in labour class?
6. No one who works in a hospital cares if you’re decently clothed.
7. Not everyone falls in love with their baby at first sight, and that’s OK.
8. Your love for your baby will grow with each day. It will grow double on days that you thought it couldn’t get any bigger.
9. If you have problems breastfeeding, have someone make sure that your baby doesn’t have a restricting frenulum. It won’t solve everything but it will sure help.
10. If you have to pump to stimulate milk production, spend the money and rent the hospital grade pump. It saves a lot of time.
11. If you still have milk production issues, ask your doctor about Domperidone.
12. Breastfeeding problems are not insurmountable, but they will take time, money and a lot of effort.
13. Don’t buy nursing shirts, just put a tank top on underneath your regular shirt – same coverage AND you get to wear “normal” clothes again.
14. Swaddling is a lifesaver, but it’s hard to do properly. The best instructions I found (with diagram!) were in this book.
15. You really can survive on 4 (non-consecutive) hours of sleep per night. It’s not pretty, though.
16. You can watch too much Trading Spaces.
17. Sound machines really can make a baby sleep better.
18. If your new baby cries about two hours after he wakes up, he probably needs a nap.
19. Sometimes babies cry for NO REASON.
20. The “witching hour” happens to almost all babies around 2 months. It’s AWFUL, but it eventually stops. It just seems a LOT longer.
21. Boys wait to pee until you take the diaper off.
22. Poo comes in many different colours. Especially if you’re taking Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle. You may think your baby is an alien, but it’s OK.
23. If a new baby poops when the diaper is not on, it's got an impressive trajectory. Watch out.
24. If the diaper starts to constantly overflow, the diaper is too small. Buy a larger size.
25. Don’t buy cheap diapers.
26. Poo is a hot topic of parental conversation.
27. Most toys for newborns are a waste of money. But it gives you a reason to go out and shop.
28. Coffee can really be a girl’s best friend.
29. Hook up with other moms regularly. You won’t feel so alone.
30. Movies for Mommies are a great way to get out of the house. Ignore the people who snub you for going.
31. If you're going to drink wine, do it while you are breastfeeding. The alcohol hasn’t had time to get into the milk. But, it’s very awkward, and just a little bit Britney.
32. Don’t buy any clothing for a newborn that has to go over the head. It’s not worth the screaming.
33. If the baby is a spitter, buy lots of bibs. Saves you doing a lot of laundry.
34. Babies don’t always hit the milestones when the books say they will.
35. Babies will learn to roll over at the most inconvenient and dangerous time possible.
36. Do whatever it takes to get you through the day with your sanity intact.
37. Leave the house at least once a day.
38. Showering can improve your whole outlook on life.
39. If someone offers to babysit, LET THEM. Especially if it’s free.
40. Other people will take care of your baby differently than you do. As long as the baby’s safe, don’t criticize.
41. Not every mother can tell the difference between the baby’s different cries.
42. You will know when the baby is crying because something is really wrong.
43. Hernia scars do fade.
44. Don’t shove a thermometer up a baby’s bum unless you WANT poo to come out.
45. Swaddling can be hard habit to break.
46. So can sound machines. AND they take a whopping amount of batteries.
47. Batteries are the best shower present you can give a new mom.
48. So is this.
49. So is alcohol.
50. Never say never.
51. Your mom can be your best friend.
52. Buy a stroller that fits your needs, not the one your sister-in-law has.
53. Stroller-Envy is not pretty.
54. Never go anywhere without your rain shield, even if it’s sunny.
55. Memorize the location of all public restrooms.
56. Memorize all the locations of restrooms with change tables.
57. Memorize all the locations of restrooms with change tables that you can access with a stroller.
58. Baby laughter is the best sound in the whole world.
59. Baby smiles are pretty damn good too.
60. The toys your baby likes are usually the most annoying.
61. The person who invented musical toys that don’t have an off button should be shot.
62. I know nothing about parenting.
63. Take time to do something non-baby related at least once a week.
64. Taking breastfeeding drugs means you get a break from your period until you wean! Nice.
65. Some days are never-ending.
66. Some days go by really quickly.
67. Keeping a Baby Book is for the birds. Blogging is waaay better.
68. Some babies don’t get teeth till after their first birthday. They won’t be a toothless wonder forever.
69. Brushing someone else’s teeth is surprisingly difficult.
70. Buy winter boots by September or they’re sold out. Snowsuits too.
71. Get kid's feet measured every four months.
72. There are almost no pictures with me in them. The Boy will think I wasn’t there.
73. It’s worth the money to get a professional family photograph each year.
74. Thank you cards are a necessary evil.
75. Christmas is a lot more fun than before. And a lot more complicated.
76. We need a bigger house to hold all the toys.
77. Summer and parks rock.
78. Get on a daycare list when your baby is in utero.
79. Call the daycare frequently to remain on the list.
80. Have a Plan B when you don’t get into daycare.
81. A baby learning to talk is the coolest thing.
82. Nine times out of ten, the first word is “mama”. As it should be.
83. Having a boy means you will learn more about cars and trucks that you thought possible.
84. Try not to go anywhere without snacks.
85. Pampers travel wipes boxes are indispensable.
86. Don’t be surprised if the baby needs a larger clothes closet than you do.
87. Digital thermometers are worth the money.
88. Telehealth causes more worry than solves it.
89. Fisher Price Little People were better back in the seventies. Buy vintage.
90. No matter how much you spend, the winning “toy” will always be stickers.
91. Routine is good for kids, especially mine.
92. Cracker addiction is rampant in the toddler set.
93. Having “in jokes” with your kid is good for the heart.
94. Get your kid to help out with chores while they still think it’s fun.
95. The first rule of Sleep Club is – you do not talk about Sleep Club.
96. Just when you think you can’t love them any more, you do.
97. A weekend away is a wonderful thing.
98. It’s amazing how many times one person can ask the same question.
99. It’s hard to break the habit of calling someone “baby”.
100. Every single moment, good AND bad, was worth it for this:


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metro mama said...

Super list. There are so many things here I can relate to.

Happy 100!

Sandra said...

Brilliant list.

Should be required reading for new moms!!

bubandpie said...

Just reading #16 brings back those early days of breastfeeding FAR too vividly.

crazymumma said...


You never knew what love was until you had your child.

Christine said...

i loved this ! absolutely loved it!

Mad Hatter said...

The saying in our house? Breastfeeding put the boob back in boob tube.

Fenugreek. Check. Pumping. Check. Domperidone. Check. The list goes... Sometimes the problems are insurmountable.

painted maypole said...

great list. especially this:
23. If a new baby poops when the diaper is not on, it's got an impressive trajectory. Watch out. (but may I add that if this happens when you've left the child with your parents so you can walk around the corner to get the mail, they may give you crap about it, but at least they will be the ones to actually clean the crap up)

cinnamon gurl said...

Awesome list! I laughed out loud at 31 and 53. Brilliant!

Beck said...

Really great list.
Can I make one little phobic-y comment? I love vintage Fisher Price toys lots, but I don't let my toddlers play with the little people - the reason they changed their shape was because so many toddlers choked to death on them.
And here's another phobic-y comment (I lied) - fenugreek? Um, as early as The Boy my midwife, doctor and OB were in agreement that people shouldn't use that anymore because of the possibility of infant liver damage. You might want to check and see if it's appropriate, if needed.
Motherhood: filled with constant terror-filled landmines.

nomotherearth said...

Beck - I haven't heard anything like that about Fenugreek - my doctor is the one that advised it. I'd be interested in any research you can point me to.

We never had a problem with the Boy putting toys in his mouth, so he could pretty much play with anything. Although, my problem with the new Little People are not really the size, it's that they've made them too specific. Each person has something in each hand and a specific outfit. I think it gets in the way of children's imagination. I much preferred the generic people with only a hat or a vague shape to differentiate them. That way, a "cowboy" from the western set could easily be a farmer, safari dude, etc. To me, it's like they're trying to take the imagination out of the toys. Also, I don't like how they fit together with their toy cars, horses, etc. I find it too tricky for young hands.

Wow, long comment.

kittenpie said...

I love this list.
My biggest lifesaver was that I forced myself, no matter the weather, to go out with the stroller and walk EVERY DAY, including once in a blizzard, and I waked until she fell asleep, then hustled to the coffee shop, where I could read for half an hour until she woke. MY half hour. It saved my sanity and took off the preggy weight within 8 or 9 months.

NotSoSage said...

If you're not careful, I may decide to join you on mat leave. My heart, it's melting!

And dude, someone snubbed you for going to Movies for Mommies. Whatup with that?

Beck said...

Here ya go:
"I'm glad that herbal remedies were a topic of discussion at the 2000 annual meeting of the American Academy of Pediatrics in Chicago. This is an important part of healthcare that deserves serious consideration. Not all news on herbs is good news. Dr. Ruth Lawrence presented evidence at the conference that two popular herbal remedies for nursing mothers--fenugreek and comfrey--can pose a health risk to their infants. Many mothers take fenugreek to increase their milk supply (though it has never been shown to be effective). It has been shown, however, to occasionally cause hypoglycemia in the nursing mother and it can raise blood pressure. It has also been associated with increased colic and diarrhea in babies."
I think I was mixing up comfrey and fenugreek, but you get the idea.

Gabriella said...

What an amazing list! I wish I had it when I was pregnant. And it almost makes me think about having a second. Almost.

kgirl said...

You sound more than ready. Great list : )

jen said...

this is so perfect. so many memories are tied up in the 100. i almost want to do it again just so i can do it better the second time around.

Mimi said...

The Boy! Adorable! What a cutie.

I like the vision of you holding a glass of wine kinda above your head with your elbow at chin height so a squirming nursing baby doesn't bonk it. Nice! Me too!

A tip from me? Put nursing pads in the diaper bag. Sometimes mommies get leaky too.

And about the no-diaper spray poos? I told Pynchon to "Throw yourself on the grenade man! Dockers are easier to clean than carpets!"

You are soooo on top of it. I get calm just reading it.

Kyla said...

Great list!!! And he is so cute!

And I love the new banner!!! :)

Stu said...

This post has been nominated for "Hot Stuff Of The Week" by our readers at GNMParents. Congrats and good luck in the voting!

Susanne said...

41, and I felt really guilty about that.

And happy 100.

ewe are here said...

Fantastic list.

I would doubly emphasize the 'shower and get out of the house every day' items. And I would add that germ exposure is good, to make sure you aren't deterred from going to various places: if people look at you funny, remind them it builds their little immune systems.