Thursday, July 26, 2007

Movie Mom

Before we begin, let me just make one thing clear...this post is not about BlogHer. If you were looking for news on the Conference That Must Not Be Named, then please click here. I'd also like to make it very clear that I'M NOT BITTER AT ALL. ( @$%*#%*!). We can have fun right here in TO, can't we? Anybody?? (The silence is deafening, folks, back me up here, will ya?). Okay..

I mentioned in a recent post , 100 , that I was snubbed for going to Movies 4 Mommies. Here's the story. Upon the arrival of the Boy, my life became a veritable maelstrom. We were having trouble breastfeeding, the boy was found to have a double hernia, and my time going back and forth to the hospital seemed to outweigh my time spent at home. Because of this, I didn't hook up with any mommy group. The nurse that visited the house suggested that I go to this "Bringing Home Baby" group at a local church. The hospital treks interfered with that and I never went, eventhough I really wanted to. As a result, I felt adrift and friendless.

That's when I heard about Movies 4 Mommies, or as they were called in my 'hood, MiniMatinées. I thought to myself, "Great! I get out of the house, AND I get to see a movie! I may even talk to some other moms.." So I went. The people there were lovely. They gave a gift to first-timers, and there were weekly draws for other prizes, as well as some presentations about local baby amenities. Since the movie was at 1pm, it fell right at the Boy's nap time. He would sleep for an hour, and then feed for an hour (Yes, you read that correctly - each breastfeeding session took one whole hour, a half hour on each boob. Sigh). It was a perfect fit, and I had a lovely afternoon.

I started going every week. It was a half hour walk each way, so I'd get my exercise. I saw a fairly recent movie each week (the selection at MiniMatinées ran to the decidely offbeat and documentary taste). Being terribly shy in real life, I chatted self-consciously with other new moms. It was something for me to look forward to. And hey - I'm an actor - I'm always up for seeing a new flick. I think it really helped me to keep my sanity intact in those early days, too.

Eventually, I met up with a friend who I met at FitMom, and she invited me to join her Mommy Group. Ironically, it was the same people who would have been at that Bringing Home Baby group that I never attended. They got along so well that they decided to keep meeting. I joyously agreed to go, because I was feeling very isolated. I tried to integrate myself as much as possible into the group. Some people were very nice, but from a number of them, I got the feeling that I was an interloper.

When they found out (by my own admission, of course, I'm not shy about the truth), that I went to MiniMatinées every week, I was quickly dubbed "the Movie Girl" by those less charitably-minded. There were snide jokes that my son slept more at the movies than in his own crib. There were many insinuations along the lines of "my baby would never stand for it" or "I'm not sure it's such a good thing for them".

My friend from FitMom and I became quite close, though, and she started coming with me to the movies on a fairly regular basis. We made it a little playdate, and it was really fun. And, yeah, I saw some movies that I probably would not have spent money on had I not had a babe in arms. Sadly, my MiniMatinées have closed their theatres, but the good memories remain. So does my new theory on parenting: Do what you gotta do to get through the day with your sanity intact. And don't judge other moms. You don't know what it's like to be in their shoes.

This was cross-posted at MommyBlogsToronto: Mama Drama.


Christine said...

i am not bitter either. not. at. all.

sigh. i lie a lot.

those movies sound fun, i would have LOVED going to something like that when my kids were small.

and some people are so stupidly rude! who would snub someone for going to a darn movie? petty and judgmental people, that's who.

you are right--we just gotta keep plugging along and GET THROUGH THE DAY!

kgirl said...

honestly, sounds like you hooked up with a group of bitches (the one friend not withstanding).

i cannot believe how lucky i was - hooked up with 6 other awesome moms at our prenatal class, and 4 of us remain close. two will be on mat leave again when i am, and i thank my lucky stars. and you should join us. but we don't jog. we drink coffee and let our kids get dirty.

bubandpie said...

Poison! Those women were poison!

(And I keep meaning to tell you - your banner is delicious!)

cinnamon gurl said...

Hear hear!! On all of it.

We had those movie things too, but they played really crappy new movies like that one with Robin Williams about the motorhome trip. So I only went to a couple. Also they were always too noisy for Swee'pea; he kept waking up and fussing, which is no fun. Your experience sounds like a dream though.

Lisa b said...

Ah the sanctimommies.
I never made it to FitMom or the Movies. I am the laziest mummy ever.
Also verrrrrry glad not to be at that conference.
What a total waste of time. I am having a blast here at home. Oh yes I am.

Gabriella said...

What a bunch of stuck up bitches. That's all. Your memories sound wonderful.

Mad Hatter said...

first off, I'm lovin' the new look.

2ndly, whaaaaa? All the moms in my mom's group went to Reel Babies. I was the only one who didn't b/c of Miss M's wretched nap scheduling. And of all the things that one could judge a mom for, going to a flick once a week has got to be the lamest point at which to claim moral high ground.

3rdly: yup, I'm with you on the hour-long feedings. I did it for 11 months AND I always had to supplement with formula after each feed. Gawd, I am sooo glad those days are behind me--especially in this humidity.

Beck said...

Some women use motherhood as an excuse to be total bitches. I would have LOVED to have spent my early mothering days watching movies instead of being sad inside my crummy then-apartment!
And to answer your question: I love CS Lewis. I wasn't really trying to make a complete list - if so, it would have been MUCH longer!

ewe are here said...

First of all, I'm not bitter about Blogher at all. And that tinge of green you might see if you looked at me? Must have been something I ate. Really.

Second, I go to lots of playgroups that happen to be friendly (I quickly axed the ones that weren't), and I hate clique-y groups. I've never understood why women can't support one another more. We've all had terrible mommy days; why do some feel the need to go out of their way to add it it?

THird, I think the movies sound cool. They have those here; I have friends who swore by them. My boys have both spent their afternoons sleeping in the stroller as I shopped... what's the difference wehre they sleep just so they sleep!

Oh, and finally, I feel almost guilty popping through knowing I haven't managed to email you yet. Soon! :-)

ewe are here said...

Oh. And LOVE the new banner. Gorgeous child!

Susanne said...

Do whatever you need to might be my new parenting motto as well. While I probably wouldn't have taken my baby to a movie, I know enough people who have the TV blasting almost all day not to judge you. And I always had excellent options of leaving my son with somebody.

I often feel that people project their own insecurities on each other. Especially when it comes to children.

And, as everybody knows, when those same people have a second or maybe third child, they do things they thought they would never do.

Regarding BlogHer I went through all that jealous and bitter stuff last year. I really think I have made my peace with the fact that I'm not there. Though I would have accepted a free ticket for sure.

slouching mom said...

Conference That Must Not Be Named


Yep. I believe whatever gets you through the day is what is best.

And I hate bitchy people, mommies or otherwise.

Kyla said...

I wish you had been at the Conference that Must Not Be Named. We rocked that sucker. But totally missed you as well.

I can't believe those mothers! Okay, unfortunately, I can believe it, because so many people have these types of stories. It makes me so sad. Why can't we just be supportive of each other? Why do some women feel driven to dig into other moms whenever given the chance? It is quite nasty.

But the movies sound WONDERFUL! I would have loved something like that.

mcewen said...

Absolutely! To each their own and don't judge - good words to live by.
Best wishes