Wednesday, October 01, 2008

3 Going On 13

I thought it wouldn't happen quite so soon. I thought I had at least a few years grace. But it's official. The Boy hates me.

I get that kids go through Mummy-phases and Daddy-phases and it's completely natural, but holy crap it's hard to deal with. Especially because, in the moment, it does not feel like a phase at all. It just feels like complete and utter dislike. I can do no right.

Every morning starts out pleasantly enough. It's a fresh start. Today is the day that every will go smoothly. Then I do just one thing wrong. Just one little thing. Like not helping him with his socks right away. Like insisting he eat something other than bread. Like asking him to open his mouth so I can brush his teeth. Like making him cereal when he wanted toast. Like asking him to either walk or sit in the stroller (not sit on the curb and sulk). I am such a Bad Mother.

And then the screaming starts. And the crying. And the wailing. And the sulking. And the shouting.

"Stop being mean to me!"
(See: Bad Mother)

"You're not going to be my friend anymore!"
(Well, I'm still you're mom, and I love you. So there.)

"You're not coming to my birthday party!!"
(I got news for you, kid. If I'm not there, there IS no party.)

I only think those responses - well, except perhaps the last one - I don't say them out loud. But the constant screaming and insulting really grates on the nerves, you know? And then I start to lose my cool. And I am not nice. I scream back sometimes. I'm not proud of it. I want to stop. I want to get through one morning without the spewing of anger - from him or from me.

I'm supposed to be the adult here, but I am not doing my job well. Just call me "35 Going on 3".

Tomorrow's another day. Right?



Naomi (Urban Mummy) said...

I hear you.

Mine's latest? "Go away stupid mummy"

Yea. Nice.

daysgoby said...

Oh thank God it's not just me.

The walls of my house ring with 'NOOOO! Go AWWWAY! WANT DADDY!' and frankly, I'm tired of waiting for the flip. Her favorite has been Daddy for A YEAR NOW.


Beck said...

Freaking ouch.
Here's a phrase for you to possibly write down an index card and carry with you:
"You are hurting my feelings right now. It is not all right to say things that hurt people's feelings. I am going to leave this room and when you feel like being nice, you can come and find me."

(and then walk out of the room.)

Kyla said...

I agree with Beck. It might get the point across without giving him the sort of reaction he is fishing for.

Sounds like most of those things he has learned at school. Those are the sorts of hurtful things that are popular between friends in this age group.

Bea said...

It gets better. I've got a post brewing about the dawn of reasonableness - four, I think, is a much more reasonable age than three.

ewe are here said...

I spend a lot of time at this end reminding myself "He's three. He's three. He's three ..."


They're three.

Anonymous said...

i am in the same place right now. the exact same place. it's sad. i pray it gets has to.

Mary G said...

I always wonder what new gears are meshing in the development when a spell like this happens. Sometimes it manifests in nightmares, sometimes in anger (picture of granddaughter in a crouch against the wall, wailing, because she has grama instead of mummy to pick her up from her nap. Wailing lasts over one hour. Grama considers joining her at the wailing wall). Sometimes, total insecurity.

Whatever it is integrates, and the behaviour disappears. To reappear ten years later. Do not get me started on 15 year olds.

Hang in there. He wouldn't be behaving like that if he didn't know, au fond, that he has your unconditional love.

Mac and Cheese said...

This is so hard.(BIG SIGH)

womaninawindow said...

Oh my god, do i get this today. I actually stomped my foot this morning while I screamed. Right before I screamed I actually said, "I'm about to scream." Like that was going to absolve me of anything. It is damned hard. So bloody (expletive, expletive) f'n hard some days. I hear you. I am you. And some days you are me. We'll all get through it none the less, even when it sucks.

Thank you! I needed to know someone else loses their cool today.

womaninawindow said...

Oh, I'm afraid I don't believe Bea. Four was no more reasonable for us. In fact eight is just downright ugly. oohhh...

womaninawindow said...

Sorry, me again. How did mary g get so smawt?

Mad said...

How's this?
She wakes me up at 5:45 yesterday, "Mommy, say 'Jon Joo'"

"Erg, spittle nurf, nurf, huh?" I reply

"Say 'Jon Joo'"

"uh, Jon Joo"

"No! say 'John Jew'!"

"John Jew. Now please go back to sleep."

"No!!!" in tears "say 'Jian Jioo'"

This goes on for several minutes and it is clear that I am the villian of the piece.

Arg. 3.

Mimi said...

Oh, Nomo, I HEAR YOU. Mostly, though, I hear Munchkin: "NO! NO! I DON'T WANT TO! NO! GO AWAY! NOT YOU MOMMY! NO!!!!"

We do just like what Beck says. But it still sucks.

motherbumper said...

OMG - we are going through the same thing (srsly - we are). Right now SB is the object of "I dont like you - you are yucky - Noooooooooo" and last week it was me. It's so freakin' hard to be the adult - it's so f'ing hard.

crazymumma said...

I hated that phase.

It passes. He will adore you again.

kittenpie said...

SO not just you. I was howling right along with the babe this morning until I broke down and sobbed instead. Some days suck.

And three? Is HARD. I think that was our worst year (so far). I still hear the birthday party line, and tell her exactly what you said there, in fact. But for the I don't like you's, I decided that I could not let her see how it felt, or it would be a stick to beat me with, so I would just say, "That's okay, you'll like me another day." They are, after all, notoriously fickle, and he will turn some day. Eventually, she started agreeing with me.

Susanne said...

I know how you feel. Really. And I will take Beck's sentence, translate it into German, write it on an index card, and carry it with me to deal with my 5yo.

But four is definitely better. I assure you.

painted maypole said...

right. the pendulum WILL swing. just more slowly than you would like.

bren j. said...

Well that doesn't sound fun at all. Harumph. But I DO love your response (inward or otherwise) about the birthday party. :)

Love the blog design. It's all crispy and fresh for fall.